


Vignettes Part One

by TheSightlessSniper



Series: Vignettes [1]
Category: Kuroshitsuji | Black Butler
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Anorexia, Bulimia, Eating Disorders, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Gen, M/M, Mild Smut, Out of Character, Past Relationship(s), Relationship(s), Short Chapters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-09
Updated: 2016-06-28
Packaged: 2018-07-14 03:18:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 22
Words: 20,858
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7150898
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheSightlessSniper/pseuds/TheSightlessSniper
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A look into Ciel's life with Sebastian leading up to and during the first year and a half of their relationship.<br/>First in the Vignettes Series.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Late Night, Early Morning

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted something multi-chapter, but I have such a struggle to actually write anything too long before getting bored. This is me trying to ease into writing multi-chapter work, while sailing the SebaCiel ship all the way to the grave.
> 
> Warnings are in the tags.

He is only awake at four AM because Sebastian isn’t home yet.

It’s a Thursday morning, and his roommate, who he happens to be entirely enamoured of, is still out with his boyfriend; some six-foot-three guy who creeps the fuck out of Ciel for reasons he can’t even articulate. Was there a reason he hated him that much? He just exudes a creepy vibe that made Ciel’s skin crawl.

The door finally swings open, and Sebastian is stood swaying on the porch. Soaked to the skin from the pouring rain, face downturned, gasping, and when he does look up, his eyes are full of unshed tears.

Ciel rushes to him, dragging his wet body through the threshold. ‘Did you walk home in this?’

‘Claude’s fucking Alois Trancy.’

Those are the slurred words that Sebastian spits, before rushing across the hallway into the bathroom. The door slams shut, and Ciel can hear the retching; he knew he could smell alcohol, but how much did have?

He collects a bottle of icy cold water from the kitchen refrigerator, then returns. He knocks softly. ‘Sebastian? Can I come in?’

There’s no reply, but he can hear the other whimpering. Sebastian never cries, so to hear him in that state turns Ciel’s stomach.

Without waiting for an answer, he opens the door to find his roommate in a heap on the floor, on his side and clutching at the expanse of his shirt over his heart. The taller man hiccups, then grapples for the toilet bowl again.

Ciel hates the sound and smell, but he stays. He sinks to the floor against the side of the bath and pops the bottle of water open, forcing his drunken crush to sip between spells of vomiting and rubbing his back as he expels the terrible night. The slate-haired man has to be up in three hours for work, but he pushes it to the back of his head. Sebastian is more important, and it’s not as if he couldn’t have a sick day.

When Sebastian’s stomach appears to finally be empty, he closes the lid of the toilet and leans the side of his face on the flat surface, blinking through tear- and alcohol-bleary eyes. ‘He said I was the perfect way to get Alois jealous.’

‘I knew there was another reason I didn’t like him.’

‘Didn’t like?’

Ciel blushes. ‘…alright, I hated him. He couldn’t keep his hands to himself and-‘ He stops, realising just what he was about to say.

Sebastian quirks a lethargic brow. ‘And what?’

He doesn’t answer, but his mind does it for him. _Because he was never good enough for you. You deserve so much better._

Sebastian doesn’t press it; his eyelids are already drooping. Ciel shakes his head and hoists him up the best he can. ‘Come on, you need to sleep this off. You’re going to feel so crappy tomorrow.’

‘I feel crappy now, not much difference.’

Sebastian doesn’t even make it to his room before grasping Ciel’s forearm. More tears fill his near-vermillion eyes. ‘Can I just…stay in your room for tonight?’

He wants to turn Sebastian down. He wants to say no, because it will hurt too much to have him right there next to him, allowed to look, but not to touch. From past post-drinking experiences, they’ll wake up in a warm embrace with the other, arms tangled and legs entwined for warmth and human contact, and all it will do is make him feel worse.

He should turn him down, but instead Ciel lets his beautiful, relationship-grieving roommate lie down on his cobalt sleep-messy sheets and cuddle close. He feels more tears seep through his t-shirt, heart clenching painfully, and plants a firm kiss into Sebastian’s satin black hair. The man’s breath evens, and soon he’s asleep in Ciel’s arms.

 

Morning comes all too soon.

Ciel phones in sick; his throat is honestly croaky and sore anyway. He pauses as he ends the call, then calls into Sebastian’s work too. ‘-yeah, he woke up this morning feeling like hell, probably a bug he caught from me…more likely on Monday…yeah, I’ll let him know.’

When he ends the second call, Sebastian is awake and staring at him. His forehead is wrinkled; the hangover must be taking effect. ‘You called my work?’

‘Your boss said you’re off for the rest of the week, and to get better soon because he wants you in at seven all next week. You’re hungover as all hell. Go back to sleep for a while.’

Sebastian groans. ’God, William’s an asshole.’

The room is quiet for a minute, then his roommate breaks it with a hungover mumble. ‘Why were you awake when I got home?’

He tenses. He toys with telling him the truth; that he can’t sleep properly on the nights where Sebastian is out with his boyfriend, that all his dreams turn to Sebastian mocking him and telling him he’s a scrawny, ugly little runt while openly kissing another man. Dreams that make him feel sick, and cold, and like his heart will explode in agony but he can’t look away from, like a car crash before his eyes.

Instead Ciel plasters a tired, strained smile on his face. ‘You said you were going out, but I didn’t know if you had your keys.’

‘…oh.’ Was that disappointment?

They make no effort to get up. Ciel reaches for the now-room temperature bottle of water Sebastian failed to finish the night before, and rummages one-handed into his bedside table.

A small smirk crosses Sebastian’s lips despite the hangover as Ciel adeptly finds what he was looking for and pushes painkillers into his hand. ‘Bet you’re used to looking through there one-handed.’

He blushes. ‘Give me a break, you know I’m currently dating my laptop.’

‘Really…what are they like?’

‘Mostly satisfying although kind of cold…rich and interesting sexual history though…fifteen-point-four inches of sexy LED display, and not opposed to getting freaky at my desk.’

Sebastian’s laugh echoes through the room, then stops as he grimaces and clutches his head. ‘Ugh…another reason Claude is an asshole. I only drink this much when we fight.’

Ciel’s stomach bubbles. ‘Did…are you guys still together?’

A shake of the head. ‘No. He cheated and told me I was just a tool to get Alois interested. Fuck him…fuck relationships. Fuck men. I’m becoming a lesbian.’

‘You’re a gay man.’

‘Then a celibate monk.’

Sebastian groans, and rolls and flops onto his front. Ciel can’t help but chuckle at the proclamation. The last time Sebastian said those words was after dating a guy called Ash; that had ended when he revealed that he’d been married the entire time and had a kid on the way with his wife. Then there had been the guy with the weird nickname; Undertaker had been a short-lived, sex-based relationship, and it had abruptly ended when Sebastian had found a bag of meth the size of his head in a hollowed out cavity behind his couch.

His poor, oblivious, beautiful beloved had the worst taste in men. _Not like I’m good enough, though_.

He sighs quietly, and his roommate curls closer to him. A tattooed arm wraps around his chest appreciatively while nuzzling his nose against his clothed ribs. ‘Mm…warm. Be my hot water bottle.’

Ciel waits for Sebastian to drift off again before he whispers an answer. ‘…always. If you let me.’


	2. Slip-Ups

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't really have a set schedule for uploads, I'm just uploading when I think that particular part of what is written is ready. So here's chapter two!

It’s evening before Sebastian bothers to shower, but Ciel has already prepared his standard post-hangover recovery food by the time he’s out and dressed; a stack of pancakes layered with butter and sugar is in the middle of the table. A heart attack waiting to happen, but they both dig in anyway, and even with a lip full of sugar and a fragment of pancake stuck to his chin, Sebastian is as attractive as ever.

Ciel looks to his phone. He’d said to Sebastian’s work that he’d be out of commission for two days, but he only told his own office that he’d be off for that particular day and contemplates phoning in sick again.

Sebastian eats everything he’s given. His eyes are tired, like he hasn’t slept at all, and there’s still some red in the whites; he cried again in the shower.

The food gone, Sebastian excuses himself to the bathroom.

 

They collapse on the couch together after the dishes are cleaned and put away, and Ciel finds himself in a moral predicament once again. Sebastian lies down behind him and curls around his torso, head resting between his arm and chest. Almost intimate.

A barrier is still there, though. Sebastian just broke up with someone.

Sebastian is hurting.

Sebastian is a flawless example of male beauty, and Ciel is the ugly duckling that became a goose instead of a swan.

He closes his eyes painfully, pushing back the urge to cry. The tv flickers with a rerun of ‘Pretty Little Liars’ playing in the background. It’s their guilty pleasure, their secret roommate ritual to watch it together and argue over their character ships; Ciel is staunchly EmilyxMaya, while Sebastian multi-ships her with Paige or Alison depending on his mood. They both hate the EzraxAria drama, but one pairing they both love with equal intensity is CalebxHanna.

As if on cue, Sebastian speaks up. ‘I don’t like Caleb and Spencer. I mean Spencer is great, and she deserves to be happy, but she and Caleb just don’t do it for me.’

‘You’re just saying that because you think Caleb’s hot.’

He feels the heat of Sebastian’s cheek against his inner arm. ’Well…shut up. If I have to share him, it should be with Hanna. She knows what it’s like to be the one everyone thinks is “ugly”, because she used to be overweight. She’s deeper than she’s given credit for.’ He air-quotes as he says ‘ugly’, then drops his arm back around Ciel’s waist.

‘Even overweight, she couldn’t be ugly; she has a really pretty face and she’s a nice person underneath the superficial stuff.’

‘Yeah, but some people can’t look past a flaw to the person underneath that. And then that person makes themselves ill or hurts themselves to fit in or be perfect and then it’s still not enough.’

There’s a note of melancholy wistfulness in Sebastian’s voice he doesn’t like, that hits too close to home, and Ciel turns to see Sebastian is frowning, eyes no longer on the screen, and it hits Ciel.

He’s always been lightweight, slight, slim. He’s the one everyone hates for being able to eat like a horse and still fit into his tiny skinny jeans and zip them up without fail. Lizzie and Sieglinde hated him for it, even if Ciel is constantly telling both of them they’re the prettiest girls in the world.

He stares into distant eyes. ‘Sebastian.’

‘I was…bulimic for a little while back in high school.’

They’d been at the same high school, three years separating them. Ciel remembers him; he’d never looked overweight or unhealthy. He had always been slim, and impossibly attractive, and yet he was as insecure about his looks as anyone else.

The cogs turn. Alois is skinny. Underweight-skinny.

Ciel stiffens. ‘…what did Claude say to you when you found him and Alois?’

Sebastian shakes his head, pressing his temple against his side. ‘Ciel, no.’

‘What. Did. That asshole. Say.’

‘That with the way I look, I’ll never be worthy of someone’s love.’

The words are barely a shade above a whisper, but Ciel hears them all and seethes. ‘That dick-bag, bimbo twink-fucking cunt, I’ll rip his barely existent dick off, the fucking-‘

He rarely swears so much, but when someone does something to hurt Sebastian, his language becomes fifty-fifty split of inoffensive words and expletives, and that was never a good omen for the perpetrator of said pain.

Sebastian raises his hand. ’Ciel, please calm down-‘

‘No. Nobody gets to tell you that bullshit. You’re worth infinitely more than he deserves. You’re brilliant and beautiful and you have no idea what I would give to…’ he trails off, realising his mistake.

His roommate is staring at him, eyes wide in the flickering light of the tv. Sebastian gapes as he processes the words.

Ciel dips his head, hiding himself behind his hair as a deep flush works up his face and his heart sinks in his chest. He stands up from the couch, absentmindedly scratching his head, and trails off to his bedroom without another word.

As he locks the door behind him and flops regretfully onto his sheets, he can still smell Sebastian on them.


	3. The Walk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Speculoos cookie butter is the greatest thing. It's basically spiced cookies in a spread you can put on anything (I have been putting it on ice-cream). It's terrible for you. You should try it. <3

Despite the burgeoning sore throat and sniffly nose, Ciel goes to work the next morning for the distraction. It’s the last day of the week, so at least it will be relaxed.

Or so he thought.

Mey-Rin spills a cup of tea all over his stack of newly-printed documents. When he goes outside for five minutes when he finds Sebastian filling his thoughts, Bard accidentally flicks a still-lit cigarette butt at his leg and burns a hole through his good suit pants. Finny accidentally breaks the copier again with a too-heavy hand as he refilled the paper trays. It’s a total disaster of a Friday morning, but a welcome hindrance that diverts his attention from the situation with his roommate.

Trouble finds him at lunchtime, when he steps into a coffee shop for his usual latte and runs straight into Claude. The bespectacled man smirks malevolently at him from the table by the window, hand running even further up his company’s leg. Alois giggles and slaps it away, then returns the favour brazenly.

A woman shields her child’s eyes, and another shoots a disapproving glare, but the action enrages nobody more than it enrages Ciel. And his rage makes him brave enough to step right up to their table with a false grin. ‘Ah, Faustus. Here with the latest hallway to throw your cocktail wiener into?’

The black-haired man snorts derisively. ‘Was wondering when I’d run into his yappy little mutt of a roommate again…Michaelis was a pretty good fuck, but Alois was the one I really wanted.’

‘You wanted _him_ over Sebastian?’ Ciel points between the two of them, and chokes out an exaggerated laugh. ‘Oh wow…I never knew that spreading your legs for anything with a dick was a desirable trait.’

Alois tenses visibly, knuckles white against the black table. ‘How long have you been in love with him for now? What is it, a year? Two? And yet you still don’t have the balls to tell him how you want to chase his fat-‘

The blond doesn’t get to finish; Ciel’s fist slams into his nose with an audible crack of cartilage splintering. Blood immediately begins pouring onto his legs, soaking the too-short shorts and splattering the thin strip of skin not covered by them or thigh-high socks. Claude blinks between the hand, his latest conquest, and Ciel’s smirking face, lost for words.

Ciel’s voice dangerously drops an octave, and for the first time, fear sparks in the gold-brown irises behind the glasses. ‘Sebastian was, is, and will remain far too good for you. You’re a cheating creep who likes fucking pubescent-looking twinks with IQ scores lower than their past sexual partner count. Sebastian, on the other hand, is gorgeous, intelligent, sweet, and funny. He’s everything you aren’t. Everything I wish I could have, and if somehow I get a chance, I’ll kill myself trying to make him happy if I have to.’

The door of the coffee shop rings and slams closed, and out of instinctual curiosity, Ciel’s eyes flick to the man standing there.

Sebastian stands frozen, glancing warily between the two seated men and his roommate. Red eyes take in Alois’ broken, blood-flooded nose, Claude’s shocked expression, then roll to Ciel.

Far too many times in the last two days has Ciel seen those wonderful eyes full of tears. Sebastian stares at him intensely, and it’s instantly clear that his roommate heard every single truthful word.

Stepping past the three of them, Sebastian orders his usual and waits in silence staring at them. The coffee shop patrons slowly disperse, going back to their daily life, and the room soon fills with chatter and gossip once more.

When his drink is ready, he walks back up to the trio. Ciel has the decency to look a little sheepish at his outburst, but he isn’t sorry; Alois deserved everything got for insulting Sebastian. He’s not sure what he expects. Reprimanding? A screaming-at?

’You want me to walk with you back to your office?’

He wasn’t expecting _that_.

 

The journey is silent. They stand apart, take-out cups in hand allowing them to avoid any chance of hands brushing. He’s too afraid to even really look at his roommate at the moment; between last night and the fresh coffee shop fiasco weighing him down, Ciel is surprised he hasn’t bolted down the street to hide his face in the nearest pillow and scream.

They stop at the revolving door to the building, and Sebastian finally turns to him. ‘Did you…really mean all that stuff?’

‘Every word,’ Ciel nods, and raises a hand to the man’s chin. Sebastian has a touch of stubbly growth, but the scratch of the short hairs against his fingers is oddly appealing. ‘I mean it. You’re amazing. You’re an impossibly attractive guy who could literally have any man he wanted, and yet you keep going for guys who treat you like shit, and it kills me to see that happen.’

Sebastian just stares at him disbelievingly. ‘I’m-‘

‘-wonderful, amazing, brilliant. And as the guy who has been in love with you for as long as he can remember, I don’t want to see you with yet another guy who won’t worship you the way you deserve to be worshipped every second of every day. Don’t aim for anything less than the best, because you don’t deserve anything less than that.’

A furious blush fills carefully sculpted cheeks, and he shrugs and shuffles awkwardly in embarrassment. ‘Way to be a sap, Ciel.’

A snicker. Ciel bumps his almost empty latte cup against the other’s. ‘Yeah, but you knew that already when I bawled like a baby during “The Green Mile”.’

‘You were like Sieglinde PMS-ing; I had to give you my chocolate brownies with cookie-butter fudge topping to get you to stop and even then, it was touch and go for a minute there.’

They shared a chuckle at the memory, then Ciel gestured to the door. ‘I should get back. God only knows what the Disaster Trio have done while I was out.’

With his back to the door, he doesn’t notice vermillion eyes following his every move up the staircase.


	4. Always

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sap inbound. Very sweet. Consult your dentist.

When he gets home that afternoon, the apartment is spotless, impeccably neat, and smells distinctly like chocolate.

A peek over the top of the couch reveals Sebastian asleep on the couch with his reading glasses hanging off of his nose and a worn copy of ‘Carrie’ lying over his chest, pages rustling at every breath. An odd half-smile turns up the corners of Ciel’s mouth. All at ease and sleeping, Sebastian looks like a contented and regal cat which is reluctant to admit that it wants its belly scratched. Ciel doesn’t have the heart to wake him yet.

Dropping his work bag quietly onto the floor, Ciel slips through to the kitchen where clearly, the man has been busy. The counters sparkle in the dying daylight, and to Ciel’s delight, fresh, gooey-centred, still-warm brownies are cut up and arranged carefully on a plate, dotted with cookie butter frosting and striped with darker-than-dark salted chocolate, and they’re sat next to a strategically placed blu-ray of ‘The Green Mile’. The memory of their lunch conversation puts a small smile onto his face.

He’s about to grab one of the bitesize pieces when a note pinned by the plate catches his eye. The paper is unfolded, and his heart throbs softly as he reads the neat script on the inside:

 

_Not yet. Not ready._

_Can you wait?_

 

Ciel glances at the plate, then to the note. He isn’t talking about the brownies…but it doesn’t feel right to eat them without him now.

The treats remain untouched on the platter. Ciel puts the note back under the plate unfolded, but with one word added underneath in a shaky scrawl:

 

_Always._

 

One word, scribbled beneath carefully printed letters from a skilled hand and borrowed from the unrequited love story from one of their favourite fantastical adventure stories, unbeknownst to Ciel shortens what he expected to be a long wait.

He expects months, maybe a year, for Sebastian to maybe give him a chance, but it’s only a few weeks when they’re watching another rerun of their favourite guilty pleasure tv show again that Sebastian’s fingers curl hesitantly and shakily through his.

He can feel the racing pulse beneath the skin of the other’s wrist, and the thin layer of sweat that dampens his palm from nerves, but says nothing and just squeezes the hand with his own, aware that his own hand is probably just as clammy, his heart beating just as fast. Even as the episode ends, their hands stay linked, and Ciel’s heart pounds harder.

They head to bed not long afterwards, and just as Ciel is mumbling a tired goodnight, Sebastian runs the backs of his fingers down his cheek, lingering for a moment before a furious red tints his face and he heads across the hall to his own room with a soft murmur of ‘sleep well, Ciel’.

The phantom sensation of Sebastian’s fingers stay with him long after he slides under the sheets, and for once, sleep comes easy.


	5. The First Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The beginnings of hot and heavy...

Two weeks into their increasingly frequent hand-holding sessions, Ciel takes part in a first; the first time cooking a surprise romantic meal while Sebastian is stuck at work late.

Knowing about the bulimia makes him more cautious, carefully measuring quantities so there is just enough for one plate each. There’s enough to fill their stomachs, but not enough to overwhelm.

It’s nowhere near as good as what Sebastian can put out; the sauce isn’t quite spicy enough because they’re out of chilli flakes, and the meatballs refused to bind properly and end up misshapen and crumbling, but it tastes good enough.

The grateful look on Sebastian’s face as he crosses the kitchen’s threshold means everything. ‘You cooked dinner?’

‘What, you expected to cook after working until eight? What kind of roommate am I if I couldn’t throw something together?’ Ciel replies, passing him a warm plate from the bottom of the oven, and ladling pasta and the meatballs on top. They eat in near silence to the sound of the tv, occasionally shooting each other smiles, and soon the plates are empty.

When Sebastian excuses himself, Ciel tenses and feels an urge to grab him and stop him. He doesn’t want him going near the bathroom. He doesn’t want him going anywhere where he can potentially purge, because he doesn’t want him to do that ever again if he can help it.

Sebastian returns after barely a moment, clutching his phone in hand and glaring at his screen. ‘For fuck sake.’

‘William again?’ Like he even has to ask.

‘The son of a bitch wants me to work until eight again tomorrow. Why can’t he just see his nephew is a lazy dick?’

The stress of his job gets to him. Sebastian’s been forced into working late nearly every night since his boss’ nephew replaced one of the women for her maternity leave. His workload doubled nearly overnight, and it was common for him to return home with a miserable scowl marring his handsome face from having to pick up some slacker’s work for him. _Why does bad luck follow such a good person?_

 

When it happens, it’s halfway through an episode of ‘New Girl’, during an ad break.

They relax back onto the couch, the handholding resuming like usual but without the former nervousness; Sebastian’s hand hooks into his and holds on without reservation, and he gives it a warm squeeze in response.

Just as the first half of the episode ends, Ciel shivers at a sudden chill, and in an instant there are warm arms around him and a blanket from behind their heads spread over their legs. The effect is instant, and he smiles and snuggles into Sebastian’s warm embrace. And it’s at that point that velvet lips touch his cheek.

His breath hitches, and suddenly he’s hyperaware of the warm breath drifting over his collarbone from over his shoulder. Turning his head, Ciel looks up and locks eyes.

Sebastian’s throat bobs as he swallows anxiously. His lips are parted, shallow breaths seeping out, and everything slows down as they move in sync to their goal.

Their first kiss together is…awkward. Their noses bump, and their teeth clash a little, and when they pull back, there’s a moment of silence before they both chuckle. ‘I think that’s the worst kiss I’ve ever given anyone,’ the taller laughs.

Ciel shakes his head and giggles back. ‘You want to try again?’

The second kiss is infinitely better. Their mouths fit together better this time, the tenseness having dissipated. Their tongues move in rhythm, dipping and stroking and twisting, and Ciel is only dimly aware in the back of his mind somewhere that he’s sinking, that gravity has shifted and he's on his back with the other above him, bodies pressed together and the plaid-patterned blanket a twisted mess between their legs.

They part amidst ragged breaths, and Ciel is the first to speak. ‘I think we got a little carried away.’

If their position change hadn’t told them that, the beginnings of an erection threatening to make itself known between their layers of clothing and the blanket makes that abundantly clear.

Sebastian walks with him to his bedroom door like he’s walking him back to his front door after a few dates. He lets it swing open, but before he walks through, Ciel turns to face him and sucks him down into another breath-stealing kiss.

Again, they get carried away; thirty seconds in, and he’s pushed up against the wall next to his room with a hand sliding through his locks and the other drifting down his spine to crush their bodies firmly together.

There’s a small part of him that wants to throw caution to the wind, to drag Sebastian through his door and tear down all sexual barriers. He’s turned on as all hell, pants uncomfortably tight and pressing down his growing arousal with a painful kind of pleasure. Every inch of movement stimulates his skin, and for a brief moment he just wants to get down on his knees and blow the other right there in their hallway _just to see the look on his face as it happened_. He’s wanted him for so long and he’s kissing him and touching him and he smells incredible and he can feel the other’s erection hardening against his hip…it would be so _easy_ to just give in and beg the other to fuck him senseless.

It would be so easy to do it all in one night. But he doesn’t want to rush. They have all the time in the world to get to that point, and shortly after their first kiss doesn’t feel quite right.

They part again, gasping and immediately missing the stimulation. Sebastian steps away from him, then gestures to his own bedroom door. ‘I should, uh, go to bed…early start tomorrow.’

A final peck, and they bid each other goodnight. The other disappears into his room and locks the door behind him, leaving Ciel standing there in strange contented haze.

Their first kiss hadn’t been pulled straight out of a romantic movie, with fireworks and rainbows and perfection on the first shot. Their first kiss had been as awkward as a teenager’s, testing waters and learning how to connect with the other physically.

The second and third had been what he had been waiting for. His lips are numb, and his mouth feels oddly empty now the other’s tongue isn’t dancing against his. Sebastian had tasted like their dinner and the strawberry he had swiped from the fruit bowl on the way out of the kitchen, and it was delicious.

Breaking out of his musing, he turns to go into his room when a low moan catches him off guard and he freezes halfway in the doorway. There’s another, lower-pitched and longer that sounds a little bit like his name, and Ciel suddenly realises exactly why Sebastian seemed so eager to retreat behind that locked wooden partition.

Stomach fluttering and blushing furiously, he turns in for the night.


	6. The Stumble

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Angst and possible trigger inbound...hold onto your hats and tread carefully.

Rome was not built in a day, but Ciel doesn’t like to think of their relationship as a civilisation like that; Rome crumbled into ruin and became scant remnants of its former glory. He doesn’t want his relationship with Sebastian to ever become history.

Even after pining for so long, and despite their amorous kisses, he wants to take the relationship slowly. And even though they’re roommates, and he could get away with nights in on the couch with take-out or a quickly whipped-up plate of pasta, Ciel insists on taking Sebastian out for _real_ dates; to movies, to the parks for walks in good weather, or just for a drive around the city blasting Rock and Metal out of the car’s polarised windows to annoy the passersby before stopping to make out overlooking the city from a high and breath-taking vantage point…it doesn’t matter, as long as it puts a big smile on Sebastian’s face.

Sebastian does a lot of that now.

So a few months in, when the black-haired man wakes up one morning and the scales tell him that he’s gained a little weight, Ciel witnesses a near-relapse for the first time post-breakfast and can barely believe it’s the same Sebastian.

The extra two-and-a-half extra pounds are invisible; a day-to-day fluctuation of fluid retention and food from the night before that Ciel knows is entirely normal and will be history in twenty-four hours. But Sebastian flies into the bathroom as soon as his fork hits his empty plate.

Ciel breaks a door off the hinges for the first time that day, wrapping his arms around his shaking boyfriend.

Sebastian leans over the edge of the toilet seat, hand twitching from fighting the urge to claw the food from himself. ‘Fuck…fuck…Ciel, no, get off me, I have to do this.’

‘You don’t! Please don’t do it. Please, Sebastian, I can’t see you like this, it hurts too much.’

‘You don’t get it! I have to otherwise it’ll stay, and- and- and-‘ he stammers, unable to say it, but Ciel gets the gist; - _and I’ll get fat and you’ll leave me_.

He wishes there was something he could do to make Sebastian see himself like he sees him. Even in the midst of battle with an ugly illness, he’s painfully beautiful; with his unnaturally pitch-black hair and eyes that reflect a red-orange tone in the right light, his smattering of lighter-than-light freckles scattered over his nose and under his bottom eyelids, petal-soft lips that Ciel is compelled to run is thumb and fingers open before and after kissing and the high cheekbones that scream _movie star quality_ …and on top of that, his lightly muscular body where he’s toned all over but without the over-emphasised veins of a steroid-pumped gym-dweller.

He’s barely got an ounce of fat on him and yet he looks in the mirror and sees himself so horrifically distorted that he feels the need to do _this_ to himself.

It breaks Ciel’s heart.

Sebastian’s grip on the toilet loosens for just a moment, and Ciel takes the chance and pulls him away from it with a tug, sending them both rolling back onto the bathroom mat with the taller still in his tightly-gripping arms.

There’s a weak thump against his upper body. Sebastian turns in his arms and brings down a clenched fist on his shoulder like a child pounding on the floor in a tantrum. Another hits his ribs, and then he misses completely and buries his face in Ciel’s chest, shaking in silent tears.

The shorter doesn’t know what to do, what words to say, so he leaves it at a few:

‘I’ll never leave you.’

It takes forty-seven minutes to coax Sebastian back from that edge, and even then, after every other meal that day, it’s touch and go.

 

Sebastian awakes the next morning, and the extra weight is gone.


	7. Being There

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is where the 'Explicit' bit comes in. There will likely be more.
> 
> Why am I so into bottom!Sebastian? I'll let you know when I'VE figured it out.

They haven’t _slept_ together until now.

They’d slept together for a while now; cuddling, kissing, many over-the-clothes make-out sessions that culminate in them grinding against the other to relieve the pressure, one which resulted in accidental mutual orgasm and a need to take a hot shower.

It’s not like they hadn’t done anything sexual together; they’ve jerked off the other more than a few times while still dressed, and Ciel had discovered by accident that one of Sebastian’s personal little kinks was watching Ciel do it to himself while lying next to him. He’d started off very self-conscious, feeling like he was completely on-display for the world to see, but it wasn’t long before he got into it, staring the other in the eyes with a filthy smirk before changing tack, whining Sebastian’s name submissively and begging for the other to finish him off himself.

But actual sex? Not yet.

It’s not that Ciel doesn’t want to, or that Sebastian is resistant to it. Their little trysts around the apartment, in the car, and in bed at night have brought them fiendishly close to it, with the desire not to rush into it being the thing that brings them back down to earth.

The main issue is that every time Ciel gets his hands close to Sebastian’s stomach, he flinches away and apologises, and it makes it hard for him to contemplate going further. The insecurity over his weight is deeply ingrained.

That night, though, Ciel keeps his hand there amidst the reflexive flinch, fondling with his fingertips over firm muscle cloaked by fatless flesh. ‘Don’t…’ the insecure man murmurs, but Ciel dips his mouth to soft skin anyway, mouthing over the area and moaning with meaning. Sebastian’s stomach is warm, toned, salty with sweat against his tongue, and _delicious_.

And Sebastian whimpers as that hot tongue drifts just a little closer to the top of his jeans.

Ciel gazes up at unsure eyes, and his own soften. ‘How the hell did I get so lucky to have a shot with you?’ he murmurs, before pushing his tongue against the line of his boyfriend’s waistband.

He leaves kisses everywhere, touching every inch of sensitive skin that he can reach; stomach, hipbones, the tops of his thighs, the backs of firm calves, the creases of his knees. He wants the man to forget his insecurities and his neuroses and just _feel_ him and how much he loves him.

He takes Sebastian, and Sebastian gives everything, and for just a few seconds in the frenzy of thrusting leading to their end, his boyfriend is totally at ease with himself; he doesn’t care that there is sweat trickling down his body in thin rivers, that his face is twisting and crazed as he loses himself in unmatched pleasure, gripping the headboard and the sheets and the pillows and _anything_ he can hold onto for dear life as Ciel simultaneously strokes him from the inside and outside, both moaning with reckless abandon. It’s a rare moment where he’s not thinking about his fucked-up relationship with food and his own physical appearance…he’s just lost in a euphoric haze of orgasm and love and _everything is beautiful_ and they never want it to end. Sebastian comes hard between them, whimpering and gasping and smiling through overstimulation as Ciel keeps going and searches for his own end.

He’s close, but Sebastian is even closer to a second peak, and how _delicious_ it is when his lover tightens his legs around him and he pleads with him to go faster. It’s his tipping point; with a tight grip on the other’s hips, he pounds into him, skin slapping and grunting, and Sebastian comes again with another weak spurt against his stomach.

And it’s all over. Ciel curls over him, pushing into him a few more times, and ecstasy hits him like a train, dots of glowing colour peppering his vision in threat of a blackout and his skin tingling with shivering aftershocks as they catch their breaths.

They collapse together on soiled sheets, and Ciel immediately begins kissing his lover all over. He runs his tongue through the spread mess across Sebastian’s stomach, lapping it up in lines despite the other protesting. He scrapes teeth over the few bones jutting out a little too much, rubs his nose into bare satin flesh, and finally finishes by laying a single kiss on his boyfriend’s lips.

As they clean themselves and each other in the shower, the words Ciel wants to say come out in a desperate babble under the hot stream. ‘I don’t want to see you hurting yourself and wasting away anymore. I’m not going to force you to get help, but if you do feel like you get to a point where you need it, just say the word. I’ll be there.’

Sebastian looks bewildered, caught off-guard. It’s as if wanting him to be healthy is a foreign concept, and Ciel postulates that he’s never before had anyone ask him to take the offer of help when he needed it.

Shampoo is massaged into his hair and rinsed out, conditioner following, and he leans into the long fingers scraping at his scalp in _just_ the right way so that he’s almost purring. If this was how Sebastian washed hair, he was going to be taking a lot more showers with him.

The water is shut off, the spray above dying to cold drips. They towel each other dry tenderly, leaving a couple of kisses on freshly-dried shoulders, and it’s only when they’re settled into clean sheets that Sebastian finally responds. ‘I’ll get an appointment with my old therapist as soon as she has an opening.’

It’s not ‘I love you’, but it means just as much.


	8. Tranquil Sea

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The morning after.

They awaken in each other’s arms to a storm outside.

Wind howls through every crack in the doors and windows, the building creaking on its foundations. Colleagues call, telling them to stay in their houses, avoid the outside until it passes.

They don’t have any desire to move anyway.

It’s only when Sebastian absolutely has to use the bathroom that they bother to even sit up, and Ciel notices a change to his boyfriend that makes his heart skip a beat.

Sebastian is always reluctant to show his body in the daylight, even walking around their own home. He’ll wear vests or shirts on the beach, avoid swimming, and when he does, a towel covers his torso the second he’s out of even the warmest waters. The shower the previous night was a necessity, and even then he had felt the other’s body strung as tightly as a bow as they washed each other clean.

But as he legs it out of the room, full-bladdered and cursing anything that gets in his path, he’s completely bare save for a pair of blue boxers hanging low on his hips. And instead of reappearing covered up with an old t-shirt or wrapped up in a towel, he returns in the same lack of attire for once.

He’s still shy as he steps back towards the bed, arms lightly wrapped around his torso at the chilly air, but when he approaches, the arms fall to his sides and Ciel sees his handiwork from the previous night for the first time in the stormy daylight.

Small red marks pattern the skin like vitiligo, lacking order but mirrored on both sides of his torso. Purple nip marks and love-bites litter the paler-than-pale flesh of his abdomen and chest, leading right down to where his waistband had sat around his hips, a few of them only half-visible and poking out of the top of the man’s underwear.

If he’d ever seen such marks on Sebastian before, Ciel would have been furious about it; nobody should leave a mark on that beauteous being’s body. But now he knows the marks are his own, he feels possessive, slightly proud, but quite frankly, a little guilty about it; they look painful.

He reaches a hand and gently pulls Sebastian back down onto the bed, letting his fingers trace the marks on the other’s stomach. ‘These look angry…they don’t hurt, do they?’

Sebastian shakes his head, a shy half-smile growing. ‘No.’

‘Are you alright? Was last night okay?’

‘The best.’ There’s almost a confusion in the words, as if he can’t quite believe that they’re so true.

The next ones are unsettling. ‘Ciel, I know people aren’t supposed to talk about their ex-boyfriends but…having sex with you made me realise just how much Claude ruined me.’

They lie on the bed and just talk for hours under the sheets. Ciel is acutely aware of his horrendous morning breath, emphasised further when it becomes apparent Sebastian must have brushed his teeth in the bathroom; he tastes like mint when they share a kiss. Alarm springs briefly into the forefront of his mind, uneasy about Sebastian falling back into the expulsion cycle, but he quickly remembers that it’s morning, and whatever Sebastian ate yesterday is probably already too far digested for that to happen.

Sebastian talks, and he listens to everything; about the not-so-subtle jabs Claude made about Sebastian’s perfectly healthy weight to his face, the fingers that were dug into his flesh to emphasise the need to look ‘more presentable’ to Claude’s venomous group of friends, and of the mental abuse when they were having sex and Claude would pinch at his body with disapproval and suggest he lacked any prowess as he roughly took his own pleasure.

‘It didn’t matter if I enjoyed it or not, or whether I actually came. He used me like a- a- a glorified sex doll,’ he states, bowing his head in apparent shame.

The only person that _should_ be ashamed is Claude, although both of them know that the man wouldn’t be.

It’s suddenly no longer a shock when Sebastian guiltily and remorsefully admits that, up until he started tentatively seeing Ciel as more-than-friends, he was still purging a few times a week to stay in control of the ‘excess’ weight when he really couldn’t control the temptation any longer. ‘I did it at work, so you wouldn’t know…I’m so sorry.’

‘It’s okay. It’s not your fault.’

By the end, when very horrific detail has been told and elaborated, it’s all he can do to not charge out of the house and go on a manhunt, with Faustus’ name at the top of his hit-list.

Sebastian’s body is warm next to him, but he shakes as if he’s cold through to his bones. Ciel rolls and grabs him close, lips against a sleep-greasy forehead and hands stroking at his back. If he has any control over it, _nobody_ will get to say those kind of things to Sebastian ever again. _You’ll never be ruined. Stop putting yourself down_.

_You’re perfect_.

 

Only the need for sustenance coaxes eventually them both from their haven; a healthy omelette wouldn’t make itself, and most certainly not from the confines of bedsheets and embraces. He hands Sebastian the weighed and chopped vegetables, then leans back against the counter to watch the other at work. ‘You somehow get even hotter while cooking.’

A soft laugh. ‘You’re just saying that because it means I feed you.’

‘Not just because it means I get food…stood at the stove like that, you just scream “sexy housewife that needs ravishing”.’ For no other reason than just wanting to be close to him, Ciel winds his arms around Sebastian’s middle, fingers dancing over muscle again. The flinch is there, but it’s smaller, and the smooth back his torso presses against against unclenches quicker.

Baby steps.

Despite trusting that the other _wants_ to get better, Ciel still keeps a close eye on him after they eat. His worry is unfounded for the moment, at very least, because Sebastian retreats to the couch with him and they safely spend the rest of the day marathoning the first season of ‘The Walking Dead’ all over again. He only rises once, during the third episode, to retrieve two steaming cups of tea and a bowl of popcorn for them to share.

Between episode four and five, while he’s quickly checking his work emails, Sebastian calls up his old therapist. She squeezes him in for an appointment at eight AM the next morning.

Ciel is prouder of him than he can articulate.

The storm rages on outside, but inside their little home, the waters are calm, and the breeze is gentle.


	9. Meeting The Parents

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ciel's boyfriend is introduced to his father...what's Vincent's reaction going to be to our babe Sebastian?

It’s half an hour until his parents, his aunt and her fiancé get to the apartment, and Ciel is frantic.

‘Honey, calm down. Your mother is nice, and you said they’re fine with you being gay.’

He’s not sure when Sebastian started giving him the little nickname, but he isn’t complaining; in Sebastian’s low pitch, it’s both soothing and sexy.

Ciel paces up and down next to the coffee table and shakes his head. ‘My aunt and my dad knew about it before _I_ did. That’s not what I’m worried about. My dad loves to intimidate people, especially those who are sleeping with his son.’

This meeting has been worrying him ever since he told his mother that he’d started dating someone. Rachel, his mother, had been overjoyed for her son, squealing like a little girl when she found out that the lucky man was his gorgeous roommate; she’d likely already contacted Lizzie and Sieglinde and mentally planned a lavish wedding of blue and black accents and a three-tiered cake covered in sugar roses.

When it comes to dating his son, his father is a different story. Vincent Phantomhive is the head of his own company, and despite his best efforts to find a way to visit, he’s always been too busy with business to take the time. Meeting Sebastian for the first time as a roommate would have been easy, but as his boyfriend too? The man was as overprotective as a faithful dog, and would most certainly try and put Sebastian through the wringer to test his suitability for Ciel.

The other is so shockingly chilled, it’s unnerving. ‘You don’t seem to be panicking very much about this.’

‘Because if there is one thing I know, it’s that parents love me. My friends’ parents love me, and you’re technically my friend-‘

‘A friend who you happen to be having sex with and call your boyfriend and-‘ the tirade of panic is interrupted by the doorbell, and Ciel’s eyes widen. ‘Oh god they’re early oh god.’

Hands descend on his shoulders and thumbs dig gently into tense spots. ’You’re going to be fine. I can handle your dad…according to you, it’s your handsy Aunt Angelina I have to worry about.’

 

Pulling up to the restaurant, Ciel’s fears mount.

The car journey had been mostly quiet, the light conversation passing between Sebastian and Vincent polite and genial. But his dad is a master of hiding his true feelings; it had taken him over a year to even acknowledge that, yes, Rachel was a beautiful woman who he had been thinking about for months in every spare second he had, and yes, he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. If Diedrich hadn’t have told him to suck it up and actually think, Ciel is doubtful that his father would have sired any children at all.

For all the younger Phantomhive knows, the real emotion underneath his father’s polite exterior is blazing disapproval that he wouldn’t hear about until the end of the evening.

Sebastian ends up sat opposite him, with Vincent to one side of them at the head of the table. Angelina has luckily been relegated to the spot between Ciel and Diedrich, opposite Rachel and well away from Sebastian to save him from the brazen groping that would inevitably happen despite her fiancé’s presence.

Sebastian shoots him a small smile from the other side of the table, and the sensation of a shoed foot rubbing against his leg through his suit becomes more apparent.

 _Tease_.

The first course goes much better than Ciel expects. He gets to catch up with his aunt about her plans for the wedding, and whether he was going to have to wear red after all. ‘You’re my little bridesman. You have to match the bridesmaids.’

‘But I look about five when I wear red.’

‘You were cute at five,’ she teases.

Sebastian spends the course in deep conversation with Vincent. While talking to his Angelina, he catches mentions of Sebastian’s occupation, a discussion over some classical music, and a joke which he doesn’t catch the punchline too. At least from the outside, all appears well as the empty plates are taken away.

Instinctual panic sets in, post-appetiser. Sebastian excuses himself from the table, and Ciel’s mind immediately throws him the worst case scenario; that while his mother and aunt gossip about how much of a cutie Sebastian is and whether Ciel would consider sharing him, his boyfriend is bent over expelling the little he’d just eaten. His family didn’t need to know about Sebastian’s battles with the disorder. Not yet, at least.

It simmers down and fizzles out fast when Sebastian quickly returns, phone clenched in one hand with a look of mild irritation. ‘My apologies. That was my boss.’

Ciel frowns. ’Now? What did William want this time?’

‘Telling me to work until nine PM tomorrow to pick up Knox’s slack.’

Vincent splutters into his wine, eyes widening. ‘You can’t be serious.’

Sebastian nods. ‘Ronald is the boss’ nephew. Knox can work half as much without him batting an eyelid, and then it’s up to me, Sascha, Othello, and Ludger to solve the problem. I love advertising, but Spears makes my job a living hell.’

The cogs in Vincent’s mind appear to be turning, and it’s not only his wife who notices; Ciel quirks an eyebrow at his father. ‘Dad…what are you thinking?’

The older Phantomhive man places his glass down and smirks, glancing between a concerned son and his confused boyfriend. ‘I was just thinking that a position in the marketing and advertising department opened up…perhaps you could be persuaded to hand in your notice and join Funtom at the earliest possible convenience?’

Ciel splutters, Sebastian gapes, and Vincent’s smirk only grows wider as he resumes sipping his wine.

Somehow Sebastian has managed the highly improbable.

 _His dad approves_.


	10. Welcome Side Effects

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More smutty stuff, and some cutesy fluffy bits... I'm worried I'll start getting a reputation. XD

Sebastian loves his new job.

_Really_ loves his new job.

Not once at his old job had Sebastian come home in a good mood. He’d obviously been grateful to be home, but the weight of his work (and the work of his slacker co-worker), and his former boss’ endless terrible attitude, had caused him to lack energy and suffer mood swings. None of which Sebastian should have had to deal with on top of his other issues.

But he comes home after three weeks of working for Ciel’s father, and even with a pile of extra work he’d have to get done before he went to bed, he still looks happy with his life. His eyes are gleaming, his smile is true, he’s full of vitality-

‘Oh fuck…hello to you, too!’

-and to Ciel’s delight, his sex drive is _through the roof_.

Ciel gasps as a warm body presses him into the kitchen counter, a hot hand sliding around his waist and down the front of his clothes to cup the flesh of his flaccid length, coaxing it into hardness. He moans, smiling, and pushes into the touch. ‘Ahh, Sebastian-‘

‘God, Ciel, you smell so good.’

‘What’s gotten into you? You’re like a horny teenager since you started working for my dad!’ he exclaims, then moans as a mouth works at the side of his neck up to his ear.

’Because for the first time in years, I’m happy at my job…and it’s weirdly hot knowing that I’m fucking my boss’ son.’ The instant retort is heavy with lust, coming out as an indecent groan. He can feel Sebastian is _hard_ , the weight of his erection apparent on his lower back, and a slight rock back into it elicits a hiss and another hot-mouthed moan against his neck as he seeks out the source of friction.

The response only gets him even harder. Laughing, Ciel allows himself to be dragged through to their living room and deposited onto the couch cushions. In seconds, Sebastian is over him and tugging at his shirt, nibbling at his throat and licking when he bites too hard as he strips the fabric from him. A button pings off and disappears under the tv cabinet, but they’re both too far gone to care about a silly shirt. They just want to get to the good stuff.

It’s a stark and welcome contrast to the first time Sebastian had taken Ciel.

It hadn’t been Sebastian’s actual first time in that position, the other had revealed; Undertaker, as drugged-up and creepy as he had been most of the time, had allowed them to switch between. It was Claude who had been the one to set the roles, and he had been the one to fuck up Sebastian’s confidence.

Despite a subtle kind of planning for the event and Ciel’s reassurance he’d been doing fine, that first time, the taller had still been apprehensive about being dominant to begin with, and terrified to go at anything faster than a snail’s pace.

It was sweet that he didn’t want to hurt him, but he’d descended into mother hen territory at every tiny noise.

‘I’m not hurting you, am I?’

‘It’s good, just do what feels righ- ah!’

‘Ciel?!’ He’d yelped, and pulled away his fingers in a panic. The barest hint of discomfort, and Sebastian had stopped moving and kissed him, and kept apologising as if he’d done something seriously wrong.

Ciel wanted to _murder_ Faustus for trashing his sexual self-confidence.

Eventually, when they seemed to be getting nowhere, Ciel had snapped up from lying on the bed and grabbed the other’s shoulders, forcing him to listen. ‘Sebastian, sweetheart, you’re not hurting me. You’re doing great. It feels amazing when you’re touching me. But I need you to do something for me.’

A nod. ’Anything.’

‘Be selfish. Just focus on your own pleasure for one goddamn second. I want to see you take control, and then lose it when you come.’

‘But-‘

‘Don’t be scared to be a little rough with me. I love you, and I trust you-‘ he yanked Sebastian down to his level and licked a line up his throat to his ear, before whispering, ‘-and I want to see you bring your inner demon out to play.’

The encouragement, and the half-lidded and salacious declaration had got them both what they had needed; a spark of _raw lust_. In an instant, something snapped, and Ciel had been spun onto his back and was nipped at with teeth and tongue and lips.

A blur between twinges of pain and spikes of hot pleasure, marks sucked into his skin by a hungry mouth, teeth scraping and softly biting…it had brought Ciel deathly close to finishing before they’d even really started.

Sebastian touched and kissed everywhere he could reach in a reflection of what had been done for him the first time, before he’d parted the pale thighs and slowly impaled him.

_Impaled_. An apt description; Ciel might not have been a blushing virgin, but it had still been mildly uncomfortable to start. Sebastian was not a small man in that respect, and it had been nearly a year-and-a-half before he’d started dating Sebastian that he’d last had something that resembled a sexual relationship; a half-assed way to distract himself from the pain of his roommate being with Ash at the time.

Chest to chest, forehead to forehead. He’d been able to feel his heartbeat through his ribs.

It took a few minutes to get into the rhythm, but when Sebastian found that sensitive spot within him, his boyfriend’s confidence had rocketed; an aimed thrust in a direction he hadn’t tried before grazed his sweet spot in just the right way had sent Ciel’s hands grappling for the pillows behind his head.

And a girlish squeal pouring out of his mouth.

Sebastian had stopped instantly, staring down at him through his panting, an eyebrow quirked. ’What…was that?’

Instantly the pillow in hand was over his face, and he groaned into it. ‘Oh god…’

‘That squeak-’

‘Shut up.’

Laughing, Sebastian had rolled forward and tugged the pillow away to peck his lips. ’Don’t be embarrassed, it was cute!’

‘Please don’t-’

‘I want to hear you make that noise again.’

As embarrassing as the sound had been, it had seemed to finally give Sebastian the push he had needed; the wide smile lingering amid a few chuckles, his lover had resumed his actions and aimed for that spot with every thrust, jolting and grinding and pounding. It was Ciel holding on for dear life that time, breath coming out as stuttering, panted laughs, and watched on enthralled as new-found self-assurance positively _dripped_ out of his delicious lover.

It was almost as much of a turn-on as Sebastian himself.

Ciel’s orgasm had hit him off-guard and with all the force of an explosion. His mind had felt blown apart, his body shaking and legs twitching, and he’d grasped at Sebastian’s back as he kept going for a few minutes, before following suit with a unrestrained growl.

Sebastian’s first time on top with him had ended in a similar way to their first time together; with a great many tired kisses, a hot shower, and settling into cool, clean bedsheets to resume cuddling. And it was only then that Ciel had noticed the slight difference in him: when he’d needfully wrapped his arms around his torso in a much-requited desire for closeness…Sebastian hadn’t flinched.

It would be foolish to think that his lover was completely recovered, but he considered it a triumph. Sebastian had taken him, made love to him, brought him to euphoric orgasm by his own body. Maybe he’d finally started to accept that he wasn’t the useless, human sex toy that Faustus had made him out to be.

Ciel shakes the memory away. The thought of that night drags him far too close to the edge too soon, and he really, _really_ wants Sebastian to take him.

A whine escapes as the hot hand palms him even more firmly. ‘Fuck, take off your pants.’

‘Patience is a virtue, Ciel.’

‘Not right now it fucking isn’t. _Pants off_.’ He whimpers and lifts his lower half up in yearning.

The voice is low and sexy. ’Tell me how you want me.’

‘Hard. Enough to break the couch. Get inside me.’

Eyes falling half-lidded and with a devilish smirk, Sebastian divests himself of all attire and rocks their hips together. Deep moans, fingers slicked with the lubricant that they had stashed underneath the side of the couch sliding up into him, a hot, twitching erection grinding up next to his. Ciel spreads his thighs wider, biting his lip in restraint, eyes shut in concentration.

The touch stops, but instead of the pressure of Sebastian pushing into him, the fingers of the man’s clean hand stroke his hair away from his forehead. ‘Ciel?’

‘Mm?’

‘I love you.’


	11. Doubts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ciel...is an idiot.

Ciel barely believes his own ears.

His eyes fly open, locking on softened red. ‘…what did you just say?’

‘I love you, Ciel.’

Sebastian smiles down at him, hair messy and falling into his face, with kiss-bruised lips. He’s so incredibly _beautiful and he’s all his_. He loves _him_.

One hand slips up behind the black-haired man’s neck, guiding him downwards to a kiss and ardent whispers of affection in return. It’s no longer a post-work lust-induced fuck; it’s lovemaking, whether it’s quick, hot, and rough, or slow, shivering, and sensual. It’s the physical embodiment of the words he’s yearned to hear, and has been a long time coming, but it’s there and it happened and he should be happier than ever before.

But doubts that have been poking at the back of his mind prevail instead.

He truly wants to believe that Sebastian loves him. He loves Sebastian with all of his heart and soul. But his brain sends him a cruel reminder of something he didn’t want to remember…that before the accidental confession all those months ago, they were close friends, really close. Cuddling-on-the-couch-of-an-evening close. But Sebastian never made any move to flirt or initiate a relationship beyond their friendly roommate banter.

As much as Ciel wants to ignore it, the thought sticks that maybe he was just in the right place, in a most terrible but right time. If another man close to him had confessed such a feeling, would Sebastian have latched onto them? Would they be there on that couch instead of him? Would Sebastian have a sudden epiphany, and realise he _didn’t_ love him after all?

The final thought disconcerts him the most. He should be happy. He should be goddamn ecstatic, but instead his mind occupies him with flashes of faceless men with his boyfriend. Shorter, taller, dark haired, blond, redhead, pale-skinned, caramel, dark down to the deepest, richest browns…anyone there but him; a five-foot-five rake of a roommate with fading blue-dyed hair.

This worry preying on him, Ciel doesn’t sleep that night.

 

Upon voicing his concern to Lizzie and Sieglinde over coffee the following Saturday, the blonde girl delivers a sharp slap to his cheek. ‘The hell’s the matter with you?!’

He glares, rubbing the afflicted area. ‘First off; OW. Second; it’s a valid concern. What if he doesn’t love me? What if he just thinks he does because I was there-‘ another slap. ‘-OW! LIZZIE!’

He turns to Sieglinde for support, but it only ends with him getting an equally forceful slap on the other cheek. ‘You’re an idiot, Phantomhive.’

Her words are even sharper with the hard-edged German inflection. His hands pat at both sore cheeks. ‘Can I claim domestic abuse even if I’m not married to either of you?’

Sieglinde slams her cup down, shaking the table and splattering droplets of her cooling espresso all over the surface. ‘You were there for him at a bad time, yes. But Sebastian is not an idiot. He broke up with that silver-haired drug addict guy, that white-haired bastard with the secret wife, and the emotionally abusive cheater prick. If he didn’t really love you, don’t you think he would have broken up with you by now?’

‘Maybe. Maybe he just doesn’t want to hurt my feelings. Just because he may not love me, it doesn’t mean he’s a dick.’

Lizzie rolls her eyes at him. ‘Okay…let me give it to you straight. I wasn’t meant to tell you this, but Sebastian called me up a few days ago, during his lunch. He was in a weird panic, and I told him to meet me for coffee to work it out. He told me that he knew he loved you and wanted to tell you, but he was worried that with having to deal with all his issues-‘ Ciel makes to ask, but she raises a hand and stops him. ‘-he didn’t elaborate, I didn’t ask…but he thought that despite promising you wouldn’t, you were going to get sick of it all and leave him for someone normal.’

If there had been any liquid still in Ciel’s cup, he would have choked on it.

Normal.

In Ciel’s eyes, Sebastian wouldn’t ever be normal. He was human, but nothing about the man was normal. He was too handsome, too sweet, and despite his experiences, a tad naive. Sebastian wasn’t normal, wasn’t ordinary. He was extraordinary. And he thought he would leave for someone normal?

Normal?

Before either of his friends can even bat an eyelid, Ciel jumps out of his seat and bolts out of the coffee shop door without another word.

_Fuck normal_.


	12. An Old Problem

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess who came back for seconds?  
> (BTW I MAY be a Megstiel fan...)

Sebastian is home.

But he’s not alone.

‘I told you, no. Get the fuck out of my living room.’

‘Come on, Sebastian.’

_That voice_. His fist clenches around his keys, tight enough cut into his palm and draw blood from the sharp ridges.

Claude.

‘No.’

‘Oh please don’t tell me you’re sleeping with that scrawny little shit roommate? His dick must be the size of a grape with how small he is, how the hell do you expect him to satisfy you? Remember how I felt inside you-’

‘He’s a hell of a lot better than you were.’

‘Liar.’

‘I’ve never had to finish myself off with him. He’s not a selfish prick like you. He’s a man.’

Out of sight, Ciel blushes. Besides the compliments on his sexual prowess, Sebastian’s voice is full of pride and love. _Do I make him proud to be with me?_

‘Come on Sebas-'

‘No. Leave.’

‘I missed you, baby.’

‘I love Ciel. I want Ciel. _Only_ Ciel- GET OFF OF ME.’

There’s shuffling, and a thud of something hard hitting flesh accompanied by a grunt, and finally he breaks his silence. Ciel rounds the door, ready to strike.

His expectation is to find one of them clutching their face; the first punch thrown in the beginning of a living room brawl. Instead, he enters the room to find Claude pinned to the rug, both arms yanked uncomfortably behind his torso and one of Sebastian’s knees pressing sharply into the small of his back.

Sebastian exudes power and grace out of every pore. Towering above the man who hurt him, his back is straight, his head is held high, and his shoulders are squared with a confidence that fills Ciel with his own sense of pride.

His lover’s voice drops dangerously. ’I’m not a pushover anymore. Ciel makes me happy. I’m his equal. He’s my beautiful boyfriend, the best sex I’ve ever had. You made me feel like shit. You _knew_ about my problems and you used them for your own amusement. Why, just why would I want to give up the best thing that’s ever happened to me for a shitty one night stand with _you_?’

In that second, Ciel wants nothing more than for Claude to be gone so he can fulfil his desire to kiss Sebastian into a coma. _Beautiful? Me?_

Sebastian would need to get an optician appointment.

The vindictive ex lifts his head with a sneer, and picks another dirty tactic; sowing doubts. ’You think you make him happy? You?’ Claude’s laugh is malignant and mocking. ‘You think he _loves_ you? You’re a long-term fuck-toy! You’re convenient because-’

‘Sure you want to finish that sentence, Faustus? I really wouldn’t if I were you.’

Both jump and swing to look at him. Ciel smirks, relishing Claude’s horrified look that settles between loathing, utter disgust…and a little bit of fear.

Clearly, he remembers Trancy’s broken nose.

Wiggling his fingers in the man’s direction, Ciel puts on his best false smile, and does the best impersonation of Emma Roberts he can muster. ‘Surprise, bitch.’

 

Following the incident with Claude, that evening, Sebastian doesn’t seem quite…right. He’s nervous, agitated, twitchy, and every time Ciel reaches for him, he moves away like he’s been touched with a hot branding iron. It could be a coincidence, but in comparison to how happy and calm he’s been, it’s unnerving.

‘I’m fine.’

‘Sebastian, Faustus sounded like he said a lot of bullshit to you. You can talk abou-‘

‘I said I’m fine!’

The words are snapped and harsh, and Ciel yanks the hand he was about to touch to his boyfriend’s shoulder away. Chin tilted down in defeat, he shakes his head and presses a small kiss on his lover’s cheek. ’I’m just…going to take a shower.’

Leaving Sebastian alone isn’t something he really wants to do, but he needs to clear his head.

He’s scared. Scared of losing him. Scared of losing him to the man who emotionally assaulted him and pushed him back into an eating disorder that the man had thought he’d kicked, or at least got control over.

Sebastian leaving likely wouldn’t kill him physically, but Ciel is fairly sure at this point that it would leave him dead inside.

He stands under the stream of water for much longer than necessary, hands drifting over his own skin as he blinks at the tiled wall.

The bathroom holds bad memories. Sebastian fighting with his bulimia, and dealing with a particularly bad hangover following a night arguing with Faustus vividly replays in his head, both equally disturbing.

But then there are the good ones; of Sebastian making love to him in the shower, pressed up against the cool wall, and the floor, and the sink counter as their cries rebounded back at them through the steam, of the times that he’s returned home to find a hot bath run for him, surrounded by candles and accompanied by a glass of wine, and when Ciel had a desire to colour his hair blue, and Sebastian had laughed loudly as he emerged with half of his face dyed where it had dripped and spread.

Jokes about ‘Avatar’, or ‘The Smurfs’, or even a few obscure ones about him looking like the Diva from ‘The Fifth Element’ were frequent that particular week, but his hair had looked _great_.

Turning off the water, he dries and dresses, only to immediately be swept up into Sebastian’s arms and held close to his quivering body the instant he exits the bathroom.

‘I almost let him.’

The truth is appreciated, even if he hates it. ‘You almost let him what?’

‘He was trying to kiss me, and he was saying things, and for a second I almost forgot what he did and let him get in my head-‘

‘I don’t blame you.’ Sebastian pulls back and looks at him strangely, and Ciel chuckles humourlessly. ‘Faustus is an asshole creep, but he’s a persuasive, manipulative one. And I’m not exactly a Caleb.’

The reference to their shared ship draws a small smile from the other, and suddenly there’s lips on his and one hand stroking through his hair. Sebastian breaks away and stares at him intensely, guiltily. ‘If Caleb is a ten, you’re a twenty. I love you.’

‘Shame…if I was Caleb, you could be my Hanna.’

A frown. ‘Are you calling me a girl?’

A grin. The tension quickly dissipates. ’Yeah, but you’re my girl.’

‘…idiot.’

‘Assbutt. I love you too.’

‘Play nice…Clarence.’


	13. Yuletide Joy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I swear my brain is 80% fluff, 10% angst, and the rest of it is a wash of kittens, Netflix, Game of Thrones, photography and writing.
> 
> More cutesy shit inbound!

Whoever wrote the song was right; the weather outside is indeed frightful.

Instead of frost and snowfall, it’s pouring with rain and lethally icy, and Ciel’s very grateful that they came up to the manor a day earlier. There was no way he was going to drive in this, or let Sebastian even think about it.

Their first Christmas as a couple has arrived.

Christmas lunch finished, Ciel curls closer into Sebastian’s embrace on one of the sofas in front of the tv, the other humming contentedly. ‘Your mom can really cook.’

‘She trained as a chef. Graduated top of her class, and in the top 2% overall.’

At the proud comment, Rachel flushes. ‘I’m not that good.’

‘You really are,’ Sebastian shoots back, ‘Everything had so much flavour.’

‘If you two spend more time here, I could teach you a few things.’

Another small victory over Claude; Sebastian hadn’t had issues with food for nearly a month. His unexpected and unwelcome visit had been the last time Sebastian had stumbled; the man stress-ate a large quantity of junk food while Ciel had still been at work, before stopping himself and running off to get rid of it. The close call had been just that, though; a close call. Sebastian had managed to stop himself alone that time, and told Ciel about the quiver as soon as it had happened.

He’d skipped out on dinner that night, but he hadn’t purged. Both considered that a win.

One thing that had really shocked Ciel, however, had been the day before; Sebastian had come completely clean to his parents about his problem. Another point to Sebastian; he isn’t as ashamed of what he had been through, and what he was currently going through, anymore.

Rachel and Vincent had both been horrified, but less about the illness and more about how he’d had been treated. In his entire life, Ciel was sure he’d never before seen his mother look so enraged at someone she didn’t know; her pretty face had contorted in fury, neatly manicured nails pressing dangerously into her palms at the struggle to keep her temper. ‘Sebastian, sweetie, if this Claude Faustus comes near you again, I’ll have something to say about it…I’ll show that jumped-up son of a bitch not to mess with my baby’s boyfriend.’

His mother has been taking Jiu Jitsu since she was fourteen, and Ciel is sure she can make good on her promise if necessary.

His father had been similarly supportive, clapping the other on the shoulder encouragingly. ’Tell me the guy’s name. If he ever applies for a job, I’ll know whose application to shred.’

Ciel is sure his parents are too good to be true at times. They’re so understanding and welcoming that he feels like he’s living in a fantasy. With the knowledge of the disorder known, his mother had been careful not to pile the plates too high over lunch, leaving room for them to get more if they wanted it. His father, usually pushing a great amount of snacks and drinks on them throughout the day, had restrained himself heavily and only offered refills when they’d really seemed to have needed them.

Two of the most supportive parents anyone could ask for, and how grateful he was for them both.

Happily, though, Sebastian had so far consumed everything presented to him, and despite the large quantity of mulled wine they had been sipping on, had yet to break away from him to use the restroom. And Ciel had yet to have to move from the most comfortable spot in the house; curled up in his boyfriend’s arms.

Snuggling closer, a sigh sounds from his aunt, accompanied by a smile. ‘Aww…could you two be any cuter?’

‘Don’t think so, An. They already broke the limits on cute when they started feeding each other dessert,’ Rachel retorts, grinning over her second glass of wine.

He blushes. ‘You guys are so damn embarrassing.’

Sebastian laughs. ‘You _were_ cute when I was feeding you.’

‘You make me sound like a kitten.’

‘Yeah, but you’re my kitten.’

‘Do I need to call you Assbutt again?’

His relatives descend into giggles, and Ciel just wishes he could crawl into a hole to hide the embarrassment.

But then, he thinks, he wouldn’t be able to give Sebastian his present. And he really, really wants to see his reaction.

The kitten was a rescue Finny found on a roadside and took in; a little Prussian blue crossed with a tabby that had lost an eye to infection after it was found abandoned. But the tiny thing had been a fighter, outliving three of its four litter-mates. The other survivor had already been adopted by Mey-Rin, and all that was left was the little one-eyed fluff ball that even with remnants of childhood allergies, Ciel couldn’t deny was a gorgeous little girl with the brightest blue eye that he’d ever seen on a cat before.

Sebastian’s face lights up upon opening the hole-poked box his aunt had been taking care of for a few days. He’s instantly in love. The tiny cat lets out a little mew, and instantly everyone is reduced to tears of laughter as Sebastian turns into a babbling mess of high-pitched voices and cooing, gathering the tiny bundle into his arms and cradling her like a baby. The kitten immediately settles and purrs loudly in comfort at the attention; they’re perfect partners in crime.

As Ciel picks up the kitten to greet her, though, his throat itches harshly, and his nose tickles with the urge to sneeze.

Time to stock up on allergy medication.


	14. New Years Day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Awkward situations and hangovers. I had a stupid amount of fun writing this short chapter.

He awakes to the sound of Sebastian retching in the en-suite, and although it still puts him on edge, he knows it’s just the traditional New Years Day hangover.

It had been the standard Phantomhive New Years Eve party. Family and friends came from far and wide across the country to drink, eat, and cause intoxicated chaos in the manor for the night before crashing in one of the many rooms to sleep off the booze that had made it possible. It was an event that only got better with age.

And alcohol.

There’s a pause in the vomiting spells, followed by garbled words. ‘I am never drinking again. I fucked up. I fucked up. No amount of drinking is worth this bullshit.’

‘I’ll remind you of those words next year,’ Ciel calls back.

‘I won’t hesitate to give you a spanking, Phantomhive.’

‘…punish me, Professor Michaelis.’

Before Sebastian can fully retort, the retching resumes. Lack of hangovers is one of the few things that Sebastian hates about Ciel, and he probably hated it just a little bit more at that moment in time.

The New Years party had seen quite a few new things. It was the first time that Ciel had brought along a partner. It had been the first time that Ciel and Sebastian had celebrated the new year coming in as a couple.

But one first that Ciel wished it hadn’t brought with it was the first time that they had been caught preparing for a quickie in an awkward place.

He was sure his cheeks were still burning. He really hadn’t needed his mother and his aunt standing in the doorway of the coat closet commenting on how cute he’d looked all submissive, flushed and panting with Sebastian pressed up against him between his legs grinding their hips together. Luckily at that moment, Mey-Rin had decided to walk past in search of a bathroom and caught sight of them together, and the sudden torrent of blood that had gushed from her nose like a geyser onto the hallway rug had turned their attentions away from her son’s tryst with his beloved for long enough for them to escape to a more secluded spot.

Instead of retreating to the designated double-bedded spare room they had used over Christmas, they’d accidentally stumbled into what had once been Ciel’s bedroom as a teenager. There was only a single bed, and no lock on the door, but in their tipsy state, they’d been hard pressed to care as they swiftly resumed their previous mission.

Inebriated, no-inhibitions Sebastian had been downright sexy, and an absolute animal as he had spread Ciel’s thighs apart and ravished him amid kisses and worked-up words. And Ciel had enjoyed every second of it, and the second round where Sebastian had mounted and ridden him into oblivion later on that early morning.

Finally, he could say that his old bedroom had seen some of the action he’d missed out on as a teenager.

Sebastian stumbles out of the bathroom, forehead tight and rubbing his abdomen with both hands. ‘Ugh…next time Lizzie suggests tequila, or that tequila rose stuff, tell her to take a flying fucking leap.’

‘Tell her yourself.’ Both of them jump.

Ciel rolls and glances down the side of the bed where the voice came from, and lying there on her side is Lizzie, sipping orange juice from a glass with a twisty straw and wiggling her eyebrows suggestively. ‘You really should check whether people are in a room before you start talking about them.’

Ciel quietly gulps. ‘How long have you been there?’

She grins widely. ‘Oh, long enough…I saw you guys were asleep in here and crashed on the floor. Big mistake, as it turns out…got woken up around four AM by the sound of bed springs and you two in the throes of drunken ecstasy.’

Lizzie had heard them. She’d heard them have- ‘…oh…god.’

‘Yeah, you said that more than a few times. Can see why Mey is into Yaoi now, though. It was kind of hot. Didn’t know Sebastian was such a screamer on the bottom though…I’m proud of you, Ciel.’

First his mother and his aunt…now his best friend.

Outstanding.

Sebastian turns back to the bathroom, nauseated from the drink but giggling, and Ciel pitches forwards into the bedcovers to hide the ever-increasing flush. ‘Oh no, no, no, no…’

‘Oh, god yes. And by the way…Sebastian?’ The man in question pokes his head around the door questioningly. Lizzie looks down to his covered crotch and back up to his face very purposely, before winking and wiggling her neatly plucked brows once again. ‘Kudos…Professor Michaelis.’

If there was any point where they could have died from a blush alone, that would have been it.


	15. Valentines Day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sebastian, Ciel, unconventional Valentines Day.

Valentines Day approaches faster than anticipated, and even in a committed relationship, the concept of the day seems ridiculous; why does Ciel need a day to dictate when he could do romantic things for his boyfriend?

Nevertheless, on the night before while relaxing, Ciel suggests going out to do _something_ , just in case Sebastian doesn’t feel the same about it.

Lying on the couch with Wanda the kitten curled up on his chest, Sebastian shakes his head at the suggestion with a grimace. ‘Everywhere is going to be busy as hell, and absolutely covered in pink crap. I checked what movies are playing just in case you felt like doing something…every single horror, thriller, and action-adventure movie showing has been replaced with crappy romantic comedies and romantic dramas. Valentine’s Day really does suck when you hate sap.’

‘I’ll remind you about me and “The Green Mile” at this point-‘

‘That’s different. That movie was actually _good_. And you getting all teary is cute; you get even more cuddly, and then I get to feed you brownies.’

A soft chuckle escapes. Just another reason he loves Sebastian; great taste in movies, and despite his own struggles, a complete feeder.

He shakes his head. ‘Okay, no restaurants or movies…so what about going and getting some of those take-out noodles from Lau’s, then going for a walk down by the fairground?’

‘…and for dessert, we can come home and I can do naughty stuff to you with a bowl of melted chocolate without getting arrested for indecent exposure.’ The suggestion is flawless; none of the traditional cheese that surrounds the poor excuse for a holiday, but all of the time he wants to spend with his boyfriend.

And Ciel would be lying if he said that the idea of Sebastian licking chocolate off his naked body and vice-versa isn’t one of the most delicious ideas in the world.

Perfect compromise. ‘Then dinner is on me.’

‘Dessert certainly will be.’

As they relax before bed that evening, though, Valentine’s Day is not the main event that preys on Ciel’s mind. It’s the approach of their first anniversary that he thinks of.

In five short weeks, it would be a year since they went on their first date.

Ciel has already been planning, going out of his way to make sure that the occasion is special; there’s a room booked at a fancy hotel for a few nights, and thanks to Sebastian always pilfering his, there’s a black New 3DS XL sat in his desk at work, wrapped up and ready to give, pre-loaded with Super Smash Bros. The idea of truly spoiling Sebastian rotten makes him tingle with excitement.

That is, until he remember’s Lizzie’s reaction.

The blonde girl had spat out her drink when he had told her. ‘That’s kind of an expensive gift for a first anniversary!’

Shrug. ‘So? Claude kept his old one when they broke up, and we’re currently sharing mine. It’s not easy to share one console between two people, Liz. You do know how Smash Bros works, right?’

‘Still…it’s a big gift, and you booked that hotel for the weekend, too. What if he’s only got you a little present?’

He knows it’s all extreme for a first anniversary, but he just doesn’t care.

Lizzie is almost certainly wrong in her suspicions; Ciel’s already seen a sealed, five-inch cube box underneath the red-eyed man’s side of the bed that he won’t let him even touch, let alone shake or tap to try and figure out the contents. Considering the size of the box, and that Sebastian is well aware that he has an interest in photography, he’s nearly positive that the man has gotten him a new lens to play with.

Even if his suspicions prove to be wrong, Sebastian has a knack of finding amazing gifts, and whatever he got him would be incredible anyway. He’d proven that much at Christmas.

After receiving a kitten he’d named after his favourite Marvel character, Sebastian had presented Ciel with an intricately carved and painted wooden box, with an equally beautiful photo album inside full of pictures of the both of them from that year and since they’d first become friends. The thoughtful gift had caused Ciel to well up with emotion, something his aunt had good-naturedly teased him relentlessly for the rest of the night.

Whatever the man had bought him in return would be amazing, whether it cost the earth, or nothing at all.

But even with this in mind, thanks to that little conversation, he starts to second-guess himself and his choice of gift.

For the first time since he’s known her, he hates her a little bit.


	16. One Year Down

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reappearance of an earlier character in this one...but not quite in the way you might think.

Their first anniversary stumbles upon them with a flurry of silly affection and gift-giving.

Ciel flashes the printed booking for the hotel in front of Sebastian’s face. ‘Three-day weekend in a fancy hotel. It has a spa, a great restaurant, and the room I booked has a hot-tub style bath and a balcony overlooking the ocean.’

‘You know I intend to have you both on that balcony, and in that hot tub, right?’

‘I’d be insulted if you didn’t. But then again, I definitely want to make use of the bed too.’

‘Mm…how about we start on the balcony, then you get me on the bed, and then we’ll finish up in the fancy bath and get clean as we get dirty?’

‘I _love_ your thinking.’

The hotel isn’t the only gift, of course. Still apprehensive thanks to Lizzie, Ciel pushes a box wrapped in silver paper into his hand. ‘Have fun playing with it.’

His boyfriend’s face is a picture of childish happiness as he opens up the new 3DS; it’s like Christmas has come all over again. Kisses are peppered all over his face in gratitude, before the wrapped box he discovered under the bed is put down in front of him in a similar manner.

Sebastian’s gift to Ciel is a little different, but nonetheless perfect. His initial suspicion had been dead-on; Sebastian had been forced to track one down from an enthusiast who he’d had to seek out via a friend of Ciel’s father. The look of amazement on his face when he opened up the carefully-restored vintage lens is, according to his lover, worth every minute of hunting he’d had to do to find that specific one.

If they didn’t have to leave to drop off Wanda to Lizzie’s and get going, Ciel would have thanked Sebastian right there on the kitchen table.

He’s in the process of putting his and Sebastian’s bags in the back of the car. Slinging the two weekend bags onto the back seat, he looks up to the door, where Sebastian is still not out yet. ‘You almost ready?

There’s a barely perceptible yell back of ‘almost’, with something about keys and cat toys. He grins, shaking his head. _Cat-obsessed moron_.

And then, in the corner of his eye, he catches sight of an unexpected arrival and tenses, smile falling away. _No…_

Alois Trancy.

And he looks like shit.

Bordering on anorexic before, his ribs could have been turned into a dark approximation of a xylophone if he sucked in his breath enough. But now, he looks like he’s been tipped over the edge; bony wrists poke out of a disproportionately large sweater that swamps his entire body, the usual shorter-than-short shorts hanging off him loosely, and his spindly legs now too skinny to grip his favoured thigh-length socks in place anymore, instead leaving them bunching unflatteringly around his ankles and knees and over the tops of his Vans.

The most shocking thing, however, is the other’s face. Hollow eye sockets, cheekbones jutting, and the regal chin looking so pointed that it’s as if it could burst through his skin at that very second. His blond hair, once full of volume, hangs unkempt, thin and limp around his face.

He looks like he could snap in half in the next strong breeze, and not unlike he wished that he would under Ciel’s horrified scrutiny.

As much as he wants to be furious at him turning up unannounced after what happened the year before, he's too numb with shock.

The voice that leaves Alois’ mouth is as broken as he looks. ‘Phantomhive.’

‘Trancy?’

‘I, uh…is Sebastian around?’

As if on cue, Sebastian steps through the door and onto the porch clutching a handful of kitten toys, and freezes on the steps as he notices the blond standing near the car.

Alois glances up at him timidly, arms wrapped around himself. His body exudes nerves, but his eyes are earnest as he steps nearer to the man he once replaced. ‘I just…I wanted to say, I’m sorry. I am so, so sorry. I know it won’t change what happened and what I did to you with him, but-‘

‘ _Shit_ he got to you too.’

The breathless statement is the trigger. In an instant, Alois’ lip wobbles and suddenly tears are pouring down his cheeks. Sebastian walks up to him, and despite their less than amicable history, he pulls the emaciated man into a warm embrace and holds him close.

Although he doesn’t particularly like the thought, Ciel can’t find it in himself to feel jealousy. Sebastian holds Alois like the big brother the blond needs, a twisted kinship forming with someone who was treated just as terribly as himself, and by the same person no less. In a fucked-up kind of way, they _need_ each other.

Alois is the living proof that it wasn’t Sebastian’s fault.

And Sebastian is the living proof that Alois can come back from this.

The longer he watches the exchange, the less he’s angry at the blond, and the more he becomes infuriated at Claude; how many vulnerable men had he gotten away with treating so vilely in his lifetime? How many more would he prey on in the future?

Sebastian and Alois part bodies amidst apologies, and the other turns to leave when the words tumble out of Ciel’s mouth without a second thought:

‘Do you want to hang out with us, Lizzie and Sieglinde next week?’


	17. Building Bridges

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More Alois in this short chapter.
> 
> Just going to take a quick second to thank everyone who is reading, commenting and/or kudos-ing. Happy you seem to be enjoying the OOC-ness that my mind keeps throwing at me!

Alois’s first outing with them is…odd.

The blond, once arrogant and cocky, and sometimes a little bit psychotic, is as withdrawn and apprehensive as he had been on that Friday morning, and if possible, even skinnier and with no intent to alter his habits; as they order drinks, he picks a black coffee over Lizzie’s suggested creamy hot chocolate, and doesn’t add sugar as he sips the bitter, two-ingredient drink.

A lot has happened in a single week. Love is in the air for another couple; Lizzie went on one date on Monday of that week, and by the end of it, herself and the guy in question had already met up seven times in five days. The young Indian man sweeping her off her feet has the effect of reducing her attention span for anything other than her new boyfriend to zero; whatever the conversation, she somehow turns it to something she’s done with Soma, glazed-over expression and dreamy look in the eyes included. Sebastian and Ciel merely chuckle, trying to tune it all out. As much as Lizzie deserves to have a happy relationship too, the dear girl is driving _all of them_ insane.

Sieglinde, on the other hand, is having no such luck. ‘A high IQ, an interest in Chemistry and Biology, and promising career prospects…men don’t want intellect; they want tits and something to stick their dick into.’

‘Not true, Sieglinde. Not all men are like that. Intelligence is sexy and I’d buy you dinner in a heartbeat.’

Lizzie stiffens indignantly. ‘Hey! Phantomhive! What about me?’

He can only offer an apologetic shrug. ‘Ladies, ladies, you’re both attractive, smart, and any men will be lucky to have you. But unfortunately, not only am I entirely in love with someone already-‘ at that, pink tints Sebastian’s cheeks, ‘-but I’m also as gay as the day is long.’

Despite his blush, Sebastian pulls him closer before addressing the others. ‘Likewise.’

Sieglinde suddenly holds up a hand. ‘Wait. No elaboration. I don’t need to hear about your little sexcapades, Professor.’

Lizzie smirks knowingly, Sebastian’s flushed face deepens, and Ciel almost turns purple with embarrassment.

And Alois lets out a loud giggle behind his coffee cup.

The noise is a surprise to all. It’s oddly foreign when not tinged with the usual vitriolic subtext; lighthearted, mirthful, innocent, but with just a little bit of cheek. Wildly contrasting to the broken voice that had choked out of him just a week before, and a much more welcome difference to the malicious laugh they had been familiar with before that.

When he wasn’t taunting, or insulting, Alois had a very nice smile.

Having touched on Sebastian and Ciel’s weird kink, both are very eager to change the subject. ‘There’s meant to be a new ride opening up at the water park in a few weeks-‘

‘Soma asked me to go once the initial rush is over. He’s so thoughtful…’

Subject successfully rerouted.

At some point, after yet more waxing lyrical about the new boyfriend, Lizzie finally relents; dry-mouthed from talking non-stop, she gets up for more drinks, and in the momentary quiet, Alois turns to Sieglinde with a timid smile. ‘You know, I could introduce you to my brother, Luka. He’s coming to town soon to visit.’

Instantly the dark-haired girl leaps across the table and into the seat next to him, bouncing enthusiastically. ‘If he’s as adorable as you are, I’ll take you up on that offer! Imagine our babies…they would be intelligent, AND beautiful!’

His laughter is loud and authentic as he agrees with her, and she wraps an arm around the waist of the young man that she claims is her new gay best friend. ‘Screw you and Sebastian, _this_ is what a gay best friend looks like! A wingman who doesn’t mind setting you up!’

With time, Ciel imagines that a healthy, smiling, matchmaker-playing Alois could be a great addition to their circle.

A friend out of a former enemy. He hadn’t expected that.


	18. Suspicious Behaviour

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not going to lie, this one will bring you guys some pain.

Sebastian starts going running. Every Monday and Thursday, he runs with a friend from work.

Sat with the distraction of paperwork he brought home and the tv playing ‘New Girl’ at low volume in the background, Ciel knows he _shouldn’t_ worry about it, but he does.

Sebastian’s focuses seem to have shifted a little, from the idea of weight loss, to just being more active and healthy. Which he was completely on board with, especially if it meant his lover was even happier, and if there was even a slightly lower chance of him falling back into bad food habits. Sebastian hasn’t had any apparent issues since the ex-boyfriend visit, and he wants it to stay that way.

It’s just the friend he runs with that bothers him just a little bit.

It’s not that Joker is a bad guy or anything. He’s a little quirky, Ciel has gathered from the times they’ve spoken, and always cracking jokes and doing silly magic tricks, but a nice enough guy.

But he’s also bisexual, heavily flirtatious, and very friendly with his boyfriend even when he and Sebastian are arm-in-arm in front of him.

Ciel shakes his head, reprimanding himself for the thoughts. _I’m practically a dog, I’m getting so territorial. Next I’ll be peeing on his damn leg_ …

Signing the last few documents, Ciel packs the papers away in his bag for the next morning just as Sebastian comes back from his run. He dances through the door of the house, dripping in sweat and the rain that’s just started to fall, and immediately rushes into the bathroom without even a hello in Ciel’s direction.

Before, that lack of greeting wouldn’t have phased him. But now it just arouses suspicion within him that he doesn’t like feeling. He shouldn’t be worried. After Claude, Sebastian wouldn’t do _that_ to him.

_Would he?_

He shakes his head, berating himself. His fears are unfounded, and he has no reason to believe that Sebastian would even think about going behind his back like that. _But he did seem rather eager to get to the bathroom…what if he’s washing off the smell of someone else before I can notice?_ The thought stirs a sickening sensation in his stomach.

The bathroom door swings open and Sebastian, still very much sweaty but sans shirt walks out humming some vaguely familiar tune, and it’s only then that Ciel notices the band-aids in one hand a tube of some sort of cream in the other. His eyes flick to the man’s bare chest, and the issue becomes abundantly clear; the friction marks around his pectorals are a telltale sign. The sweat- and rain-damp t-shirt has rubbed them raw.

He chokes on a chuckle. ‘So _you’re_ the one who’ll be rubbing your nipples tonight.’

A scowl and a blush meet him. ‘Don’t you dare laugh. My nipples were chafing like crazy for the last half mile. The chafe is real, Ciel. You start running, and you’ll know exactly what I’m talking about.’

At that, Ciel falls backwards onto the couch and in fresh peals of giggles, suspicions temporarily remedied.

Chafed nipples; enough to draw a snicker from even the most stressed of minds, as long as it isn’t happening to him.

 

He’s out of the office collecting a few documents from another building when he spies Sebastian walking along the street.

Coat hood up in the light shower, Ciel knows that it won’t be easy to recognise him, and he ducks behind the nearest glass door to observe him through it.

Sebastian walks along on the other side of the road…accompanied by his flirtatious, strawberry-blond colleague. They both look awkward, a shoulder width apart from the other, and while Ciel can’t read Sebastian’s lips, the look on his face…it fills him with cold dread; it’s the expression of stunned disbelief, confusion. _Like someone who just got a kiss they weren’t expecting_ …

Joker looks almost the same, but he glances at Sebastian strangely as they walk and talk.

Ciel’s heart twinges. _Sebastian is going to leave me_.

Unable to speak, barely able to breathe, Ciel turns against the glass and slides down it, staring blankly into the room’s bustling abyss. Nobody pays him any mind as they wander about their routine; it’s like he’s invisible, in limbo, detached from the people around him in his own personal hell.

After a few minutes, he rises and exits, continuing to his destination. It doesn’t matter anymore that he’ll be late back to the office, or that by the time he gets there, the rain will have soaked through both his coat and his suit. The only thing that whirs in the back of his head as he blankly attends to his duties is that he’s probably going to lose the one person in the world who makes him feel complete.

_Foolish_ is the first description that comes to his own mind; how could he have expected Sebastian to stay after his confidence had been lifted and repaired? How could he truly expect him not to find someone quirkier, funnier, more attractive, better? Why hadn’t he prepared himself for this day sooner?

Would it really be hurting any less if he had?

His day having ticked to an agonisingly slow end, Ciel sullenly wanders to his car and sinks down into the driver’s seat, and as he does so, a flood of angry, mournful, devastated tears pours from him in salty rivers as he finally allows himself to break down. He cries for every time Sebastian has told him that he loves him, every time he had said it himself, every single sweet memory of laughing, lovemaking, happiness and contentment that will be soured by a break-up he curses himself for not being ready for.

If Sebastian really does leaves him, he fears his entire world will crumble to dust.

Just over a year…could that be considered ‘a good run’?

_I’ll never forget the time I had with you, Sebastian_.

 

Sebastian asks about his tear-stained eyes the second he’s through the door at home. Satin soft hands paw at his face, concern marring the man’s features. ‘Have you been crying? What’s wrong? Tell me what’s up, honey?’

He memorises the silken touch as if it really will be the last time he feels it against his skin. Hands that checked his forehead when he fell sick, that massaged into his muscles when he ached, that spread and teased and taunted and pleasured him when entwined in intimate embrace…if Sebastian is going to leave him, he wants to savour the last little bit of time he has left in his arms. Weeks, days, hours, minutes…he’ll take what he can get.

So he shakes his head, and forces a smile. ’Just my allergies. Nothing to worry about.’

_I was wrong…losing you might actually kill me_.


	19. Dulling The Ache

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In which Ciel tries to drown his worry in Sebastian's upped libido, and his thoughts are all over the place.

Sebastian’s sexual appetite is once again through the roof.

So he’s making the most of it, and trying to fuck the pain away.

To no avail.

Ciel whimpers as he slides up and down to meet Sebastian’s jerking hips, trying to match him for speed. It’s the fifth time in two days that he and Sebastian have spontaneously made love, and if it wasn’t for the electricity-like buzz running through him from Sebastian’s deliberate touches, he’d be in a fitful exhausted sleep, plagued with nightmares. All of his recent dreams are Sebastian and Joker together.

And every time, it hurts a little bit more and leaves him even more drained.

The excessive amount of sex is just a distraction, but not one that is working particularly well; it’s been over a week since he’d last slept for a full night, and only three days since he’d last broken down crying. The allergy excuse is only going to work for so long before Sebastian becomes suspicious and forces him into a doctor’s appointment he doesn’t need.

If he’s even there to make him do it.

Ciel’s growing impatient. He wants to know if this time will be the last time; the last time he’ll get to feel those chest muscles under his fingers, and the hot length of flesh inside him making him see stars and colour spots in his vision, and the damp lips scattering kisses up his neck and whispering breathy words of adoration in his ears.

He wants to know how many _I love you_ ’s he can fit in before he’s not allowed to say it anymore. He needs to know whether or not this will be the last chance he has to savour him, heart, body, and soul.

Agonising euphoria pours out of him, juddering to a halt as one final thrust takes them both over the edge. Then there’s arms around him, pulling him to that strong torso.

He wants to cry all over again.

Sebastian’s voice is distant with post-orgasm haze next to his ear. ’You’re amazing…’

‘Mmh.’ If he opens his mouth, he really will cry.

The minimal response snaps his boyfriend out of it a split-second. ‘Ciel? Are you alright?’

A hand tilts his head up to level their gazes, and he wants to believe that the love glowing in those eyes is real; that the tender, tensionless expression isn’t a facade veiling thoughts of a passionate affair with a handsome co-worker.

He still doesn’t explicitly _know_ if it’s true.

He’s tried to reason with himself that his suspicions are based off essentially nothing; they could just be the result of terrible tv shows and badly-written novels (and the occasional dirty fanfiction of his favourite shows that he refuses to even let Sebastian know about). It could just be a figment of the wildest and cruelest parts of his imagination.

_But then why would Sebastian look so tense when I told him I saw them together?_

When Ciel had mentioned having seen them walking down the street, Sebastian didn’t deny being out with Joker that day. ‘It was a quiet day in the office and I medically needed caffeine,’ he’d stated, but even as he had admitted it, he’d tightened up like he was hiding something and it only made Ciel’s worries even deeper set into his mind. Had that sudden tension been worry? Nervousness? Guilt?

Blinking out of his musing, he’s suddenly aware of the thumb softly stroking his cheek. ‘What?’

‘You’re crying.’

Shaking his head, he plasters another smile onto his face. ‘Sorry…just…it was a little intense towards the end.’

Guilt fills Sebastian’s eyes. ‘Nothing hurts, does it? I didn’t hurt you?’

‘No.’

Silence. Ciel vaguely registers a sheet being pulled over them, and settles into Sebastian’s arms, head resting on his warm chest. They’re both a mess of sweat and their own fluids, but he’s far too gone to care; his beyond-exhausted state is finally catching up with him.

When Sebastian whispers a quiet but impassioned ‘I love you’ just before he drifts off, he _really_ wants to believe it that it’s still true.


	20. Inevitable

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because I COULDN'T hold off until after midnight.
> 
> All is revealed.

‘Ciel, I have something I need to tell you.’

The words he has been dreading come, and although Ciel has mentally tried to prepare himself for it, it still leaves him swimming in held-back tears as the other stands in front of him.

Swallowing thickly, he responds. ‘What’s up?’

‘As you know, I’ve kind of been hanging out with Joker a lot the past month, and I feel like maybe you’ve noticed me acting a little weird.’

The sick sinking feeling grows. ‘Kind of.’

‘There’s a reason, Ciel, and I want you to know before anyone else, because I love you.’

It’s like a knife slicing through his chest. _Do you?_

Sebastian takes in a deep breath. ‘My dad had a son he didn’t know about before he met my mother. Joker is my half-brother.’

He’s not sure if he’s heard that correctly. Blinking, he stares into Sebastian’s smiling face. ‘H-half-brother?’

Nodding. ‘Yeah. That day we went for coffee, we were talking about our parents, and he said how his dad wasn’t around and hadn’t been since he was born-‘

_Half-brother._

‘-and the only thing he knew was his name. Then he said it, and…turns out his dad is my dad.’

_Not side-fling_.

‘We got tested a little while ago, and the hospital confirmed the results this morning.’

_Not cheating_.

‘I have a brother.’

_Brother_.

Ciel sways a little, lightheaded, and crashes gasping to the floor as relief cascades free and his knees buckle beneath him. Without realising, the tears he was holding back begin falling, and Sebastian is in front of them wiping them away in an instant. ‘Ciel? Ciel, honey, talk to me, you’re scaring me.’

‘I thought- fuck, I thought you’d got bored of me. I thought you were going to leave me for him.’ He hates the words as they come out of his mouth. He feels disappointed in himself for not having faith, that he thought that Sebastian would cheat on him after all that he had been through. ‘Oh god, I’m a terrible person. I thought even after what you went through with Faustus that you could actually-’

Arms quickly encase him. They stifle the rest of his sentence, and he inhales the familiar scent of their shared mint shower gel and Sebastian’s cocoa-laced cologne on his skin. There’s nothing else there except deep, heady freshness that is so uniquely Sebastian, and he breathes it in as if it will be the last time he smells it.

It won’t be, but after weeks of living in a void, believing his relationship was going to end, he needs that tiny amount of comfort.

His boyfriend rocks him from side to side, holding him tight, cheek against the top of his head. ‘I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner…we didn’t want anyone to know until we found out for sure. He freaked out, I freaked out, and we just thought it was for the best that we kept it to ourselves. I’m so, so sorry I worried you like that.’

Now he feels even worse; Sebastian isn’t even angry. He’s been mentally accusing him of being unfaithful and he’s not even mad at him for thinking it. He’s fucking cradling him, soothing him, acting like he isn’t the worst person for thinking such a thing. ‘But I-‘

‘It’s okay. You’re allowed to be scared. Hell, I’m scared every day that I’ll wake up and the last year will have all been a dream.’

‘You’re just- you can have anyone and it still confuses me as to why you actually accepted my feelings and chose me.’

They move from their cramped position on the floor to the couch. Sebastian lies down and pulls Ciel against his chest, stroking his hair and shoulders, kissing his cheeks. ‘It’s not like we were ever normal roommates, Ciel.’

He frowns, confused. ‘Huh?’

‘Us. It’s not like it’s all that normal for two guys who are just friends and roommates to be so touchy-feely with each other. We were always cuddling, curling up under blankets together when it was cold…I once came into your room at two AM when you had a meeting the next morning at eight, face-planted your blankets before climbing into bed and using you as a human pillow.’

A chuckle finally splits Ciel’s tearful face with a smile. ’You said my bed was “sanctuary” from the monsters in your closet, and that you were afraid of them stealing your Cara Delevigne eyebrows…I have a feeling you were drunk at the time.’

Sebastian reddens, but continues. ‘My relationships with Ash, Undertaker…Claude…it was all physical; lust and sex. And yet, when I was just hanging with you on the couch watching bad tv, cuddling you felt like the most natural thing in the world. And since you never pushed me away, I ended up kind of wondering whether you wanted it too.’

Ciel ponders his words. ‘You’d figured out that I wanted you even before I blurted it out, didn’t you?’

A snicker. ’I had my suspicions. And then I was amazed that I was actually right.’

‘And…did you like me at the time?’

‘I’ve always thought you were attractive, but after Claude, it just didn’t really click in my head that I liked you like that until I tried to imagine you dating someone else…and it made me feel sick. Like I wanted to rip that imaginary guy’s eyes out.’

Ciel pushes himself up, looking down at Sebastian, and uses one hand to stroke an errant strand of black hair behind the other’s ear. How stupid they had both been, and for far too long. ‘You kept me waiting a long time, you know.’

‘You did too. I might have never gone out with half of those assholes I wasted time with if you had just told me how you felt.’

It’s said playfully, but there’s a wistfulness behind it.

They both regret that wasted time.

Sebastian returns the favour, brushing overgrown bangs from his eyes with long fingers, then continues. ‘You keep telling me I’m this incredible person. But you don’t see it in yourself. You looked after me at my worst, gave back what Faustus took from me and more. You never stop showing how much you care. You’re the most attractive man I’ve ever had the fortune of meeting, inside and out, and you don’t get told enough exactly how perfect you are.’

There’s no more tears to fall. Ciel gazes at him, mulling over the proclamations in silent wonder. He’s never thought of himself as more than average at best. Despite just how much he loves Sebastian, he has never been sure that he was good enough; Sebastian deserved the most attractive, the most compassionate…the best. Perfect.

And here he was…telling him that _he was perfect_.

‘I don’t want anyone else. Just you, Ciel. Only you. I can’t imagine my life without you.’

‘I don’t want anyone else either.’

Sebastian’s eyes are softened but still intense, and before he can stop himself, Ciel smiles contentedly and leans down so they’re forehead to forehead. Sebastian’s eyes are a blur of vermillion iris and impossibly black lashes up so close, but he still sees soft crinkles appear around his eyes as he returns the smile and draws him down for a kiss.

It’s an odd crystallising moment as the reality of the words sets in. This is _it_ ; this is where they want to be, and who they want to be with.

This is the person he wants to live the rest of his life out with.

A sense of calm overtakes. Maybe it hadn’t been about the time or place, but just waiting for the other to be ready. When all was said and done, maybe they had been inevitable.

‘ _Not yet_. _Not ready_.

_Can you wait?’_

Ciel had waited. And the waiting had paid off.

‘ _Patience is a virtue, Ciel_.’

Maybe they’d just finally been ready.

He likes that thought much better.


	21. Family

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter is going to be the last, but there will be a part two! I just...have to actually write it.

The sensitive subject comes up for the first time over cake and hot chocolate.

Their friend group had quickly expanded. Alois, now on the path to recovery, has fully integrated into the group like a puzzle piece that had been been missing, cracking dirty jokes and flirting in excess with a delightfully cheeky spark in his eyes. He looks innocent enough, but at any moment, the hot chocolate-toting blond could create unimaginable chaos.

The good kind of chaos, though.

His little brother Luka had also been a hit. One blind date with Sieglinde, and the younger had quickly become a regular attendee of their social gatherings. Often, said gatherings were mostly spent with his tongue tangled with Sieglinde’s, but when they did stop for breath, he was sweet, funny, and sharp-witted. A great fit for such a vivacious young woman.

It’s their flirting and joking around that brings up the important question.

‘You’re so pretty…we should get married and have a hundred little babies,’ Luka jokes, nuzzling the dark-haired girl’s cheek.

To which she quickly shoots back with a sultry grin. ‘Absolutely. For now, though, let’s get in lots of practice at making the babies, huh?’

Lizzie chokes on her drink, Sebastian starts silently shaking with uncontrollable laughter, and Alois hides his face in the tabletop with a grimace. ‘Ugh…I didn’t need to hear that from my little brother and his girlfriend…’

Ciel laughs along with them, but there’s a slight clench in his stomach. _Does Sebastian want kids?_

 

After parting ways with the rest of the group, Sebastian links their hands as they head to where they parked, and as they’re about to get into the car, it happens. ‘Ciel, in the future, do you ever think about having children?’

The truth was, it had been in the back of his head for a long time.

Since his brother’s death.

It was a fact that Ciel only shared with very few; he hadn’t always been his parents’ only child. Ciel had been born as a twin…a twin he had lost when he was ten after a mix-up with some medication. One unexpected extreme allergic reaction during a routine medical procedure, and his brother had been gone.

The loss is still raw, even after all that time; he’d only told Sebastian after they’d been roommates for just over a year, when he’d caught him crying in his room on the morning of his birthday.

From the day his brother had been buried, he’d known he’d wanted to have children.

This in mind, Ciel swallows quietly. _Here goes_ … ‘I’ve thought about it.’

‘And?’

‘…and I definitely want to have them at some point.’

There’s a pause, and then a sigh of relief that borders on a moan. ‘Oh thank god…I’ve been so afraid to ask you that question,’ Sebastian laughs breathily and gets into the driver’s side of the car, and Ciel follows suit into the passenger seat. ‘I was really scared you’d were going to say no.’

He chuckles back. ‘Same here. Glad we cleared that up.’ _That was easy_.

Halfway home, another question rears its head. ‘How many?’

Sebastian raises an eyebrow. ‘How many kids?’

‘Yeah. I always thought more than one, but my upper limit would be four.’

The man pales a little at the mention of four, but shrugs it off. ‘I’d imagined having two, preferably a girl and a boy. But then again, it would be nice to have two little girls for Lizzie and Sieglinde to dress up in Sweet Lolita and take out for tea parties. Actually, they’d probably do that if we have boys as well, so it really doesn’t matter.’

Giggling. ‘Okay, so what about three? Think Sebastian Michaelis can handle being a parent to three kids?’

‘As long as you’re not expecting me to be a stay-at-home dad. I love my job too much to give it up.’

‘We’ll split responsibility, fifty-fifty. And anyway…I see you more as mommy.’

With that comment, Sebastian growls and then smirks. ‘You’d like that, wouldn’t you? Me being mommy?’

Returning the look, Ciel winks and runs one hand up Sebastian’s outer leg suggestively, before moving them to cup at his boyfriend’s crotch. ‘Maybe…if “mommy” is good, she can show me how _bad_ she can be tonight.’

At that, Sebastian whimpers. Ciel grins wider as the man’s grip on the steering wheel tightens, a lip being pulled at by his teeth in restraint when his hand strokes softly through his tight black jeans. ‘Nghuhnn…Ciel…driving.’

‘When we get home, your ass is mine.’

For both of them, the traffic really couldn’t clear quick enough.


	22. Summer's End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter, you guys!

Ciel returns home from work one evening, and the living room and the kitchen are…empty. He’s an hour later than he should have been due to a last-minute meeting with a client, and Sebastian should be home by now, ready for the usual comfortable cuddles and probably finishing up cooking something delicious. But he’s nowhere to be seen.

He chucks his work stuff to one side and loosens his tie, and that’s when he sees the note on the hallway pin-board.

 

_Come out to the back yard._

 

He raises an eyebrow, but heeds the words and heads through the living room and the kitchen to the back door, then steps back outside. And instantly his eyes light up.

The yard isn’t anything to write home about; a tool shed sits in one corner, and a tree in the other, with a few old concrete tiles forming a makeshift path between both and bordering the flower beds at the back to frame a fairly sizeable rectangle of patchy grass. Nothing special or spectacular, but Sebastian has made it beautiful; fairy lights in blue and red wind around the low hanging branches of the tree, illuminating everything in a glorious red-blue-violet glow. The old picnic bench they had salvaged from a neighbour and repainted on a whim is laid out with two glasses and a bottle of wine, and a plate of Sebastian’s famous brownies, with blankets next to it for when the heat of the late-summer dissipates and gives way to the evening chill.

It’s mostly quiet, with the occasional twitter of loud conversation coming from their neighbours; the teenage girl next door had already warned them that she was having a sleepover with her friends and that it could be louder than usual.

Ciel stares in wonder at the little garden which his boyfriend has turned into a wonderland, when the man in question winds his arms around his waist from behind in that wonderful way and leans a chin on his shoulder. ‘So…what do you think?’

‘It’s gorgeous…but, what’s the occasion?’

‘Can’t I just surprise you with a romantic drink out in our yard?’

He smirks. ‘Yeah, but I’m sure there’s still an ulterior motive at work. You want me on my back on those blankets in the open air, don’t you?’

Sebastian laughs. ‘Maybe, maybe…but first, drinks.’

Wine poured, they sit on opposite sides of the table in comfortable quiet, talking about their work days and their friends’ recent escapades. But Sebastian keeps chewing his bottom lip.

He’s worried about something.

Ciel raises an eyebrow. ‘You alright? You seem nervous.’

‘…look under the blanket.’

He shoots him a confused look, and just gets a pleading one in return, so he heeds the request and peels one corner up…to find nothing.

He glances back, about to protest at the misdirection, when he catches sight of an blue velvet box lying open in Sebastian’s free hand and all words die on the tip of his tongue.

The ring is white metal, with blue and black stones alternating in a thin line across its surface. Tasteful, elegant, classy. Absolutely flawless. If Sebastian was a ring, it would be him.

Ciel breathes heavily, eyes wide and staring. _It’s an engagement ring. It’s an engagement ring. It’s an enga-_ ‘Oh my god.’

‘Will you marry me?’

There’s no unnecessary audience or fanfare to discomfit or criticise. No cheesy words about how long they had known each other and their relationship up until that point. It’s just the four that matter, in a private and beautiful place, and the man who he can’t imagine his future without.

His head shakes in disbelief, but his mouth curls into a smile, eyes twinkling. ‘Of course. Of course I will!’

There’s a barely perceptible sigh of sheer relief before he’s drawn into soul-searing kiss, and the ring is slipped onto the appropriate finger. They both stand from the table, moving together to fall into each other’s arms, and Sebastian lifts his body up and presses him against the single sturdy tree before reconnecting their lips with hungry fervour as if they’re teenagers making out in the park.

Ciel can’t tell whether the glow of the tiny lights compliments Sebastian, or whether Sebastian’s beauty compliments the twinkles; smiling affectionately, he’s irresistible, radiant. They laugh breathily into another kiss…

Until cheering interrupts the moment.

They break apart to look to the source, and to their surprise, the slumber party next door is hanging out of the open upstairs windows; a bunch of teenage girls stare down at them, yelling, clapping, and squealing happily.

‘YEAH!’

‘I SHIP IT!’

‘Ciel and Sebastian, sittin’ in a tree!’

‘HAVE EACH OTHER’S BABIES!’

Even blushing deeply, Ciel and Sebastian both laugh and shake their head. It’s like they have their own personal fangirls. And it feels kind of nice.

Sebastian shakes his head at the girls, but he’s still grinning widely as he looks up to them. ‘Some privacy, ladies?’

The response is a collective head-shake. The pretty bespectacled neighbour giggles. ‘No way! This is like Christmas for us! You guys are like our real-life OTP!’

At that Ciel just shakes his head and leans into Sebastian’s chest, giggling. The girls really are too adorable. ‘Come on, Sebastian. Let’s give the girls one more kiss to tide them over, then go inside and have dinner.’

Smirking, Sebastian turns to him, and leans into another breath-stealing lip-lock.

The ring already feels like a part of his own hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This should satisfy everyone's fluff-o-meter!
> 
> Hope you all enjoyed...I will see you in the next fic!


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